“Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better.
Don't wish for less problems, wish for more skills.
Don't wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.”
― Jim Rohn
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Okay, perhaps this will be a pretty cheesy metaphor, but bear with me on this one.
I am a kayaker, so I do like a “river of life” image.
(And you should know that I pinched this wholesale from Cathy Lyon – a grief counsellor and doula – who explained it talking with my friend Si Gwilliam, inside the very fine and inspiring community that is the Unbreakable Mind coaching academy. Here's some more info: https://www.facebook.com/SimonUnbreakable.)
Here’s a question before we get into it though:
Would you like life to be easier and more fun?
I do!
I think everyone does, truly.
Maybe that’s why our stories of a heaven or paradise are so appealing – that one day we’ll reach a state where there are no more problems … just ease and joy and fluffy clouds and/or plentiful pomegranate trees to eat from.
And maybe that’s why many people find the idea of rebirth and repeating this life until we learn its lessons so horrifying.
We want to know there’ll be an end point; a finish to our labours and our pain and suffering; a place where we can rest. Free and at ease.
But maybe, just maybe, the Lesson of life isn’t about finishing our tasks, but learning how to be in a state of freedom and ease WITH them –
Not bashing your way down the river of life, trying to head butt and smash the rocks and rapids out of the way –
Instead, learning to flow with and around.
Maybe, just maybe, regardless of the problems and challenges of life, the lesson is not about seeking to remove said problems but learning how to dance WITH them.
You don’t want zero challenges; you don’t want to remove obstacles. Take it from a kayaker, a flat river is not a fun river.
Maybe we – and maybe only secretly – but maybe we actually love a challenge.
Flattening the river, removing the rocks and rapids and waterfalls is not the way we truly want.
The undeniable fact is we can’t.
Life is life, and it will life you. No matter how “good” you are, life will contain hazards …
… or are they play spots?
Whether you flow or bash all depends on a). your skill level, b). your attitude, c). how much water is in the river.
Your skill level will improve with a growth mindset:
“I’m ready and willing to engage life fully so I can get better and better at this sucker!”.
Your mindset is your attitude, which you can choose at any time (and will get stronger in the more you choose):
“This isn’t happening to me, but FOR me. Wahoo, and thank you!”.
And finally, you get to control the amount of water in your particular river. You do!
The fundamental basics of life … movement, time in nature, nutritious food and water, sleep, good social circles, your levels of awareness and mindfulness, gratitude …
These all determine how much water is in your river.
Higher water levels won't remove the rocks but they certainly lubricate them; you can flow around. It’s certainly easier than trying to crawl your way down a dry and dusty river bed.
So look after yourself!
It’s not selfish. When you’re at 100% everyone wins. When you’re not, no one does.
Especially when times are tough, and you don't want to look after yourself, a little will go a long, long way to dealing with all of it so much more gracefully.
Learn to meditate and be mindful. Learn Ascension! But find something you can use to go beyond the negativity and limitation of your mind, and heal the frustrations and hurts of your past.
All in all?
Don't wish for the impossible. Wish – and work – instead to become better.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn once said, “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
Surf well,
Arjuna