“You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
— C.S. Lewis
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It is possible to change your ending. You cannot change what has happened, but the past doesn't mean the future. In this, a better future begins with a better now.
To get specific, it is possible to overcome your boundaries and barriers, your addictions and bad habits, your over thinking and limiting ideas and beliefs. Just because they’ve been on show even a moment ago, it is possible to transcend them all.
A few things to remember can help enormously. First:
Get a practice
You do need a practice to journey with.
You need an intention to overcome, a moment by moment attempts at what you’re aiming at. Without this, nothing happens. Maybe that’s obvious, but I think so many people wish their way to transformation without actually getting going and doing something consistently.
We could talk about running, learning Spanish, or working on your relationship, but it’s the same with enlightenment — that state of being so content in your own skin you forget it’s there sometimes, where you live a life of nothing to prove and nothing to hide, where you’re so aligned with your dharma, with the purpose you were born, that every waking moment becomes an expression of that.
Keep it simple
The practice you choose has to be about now, being present to now, and discovering the presence of You in this now.
It has to be incredibly simple because as a baby you were wide open, limitless, constantly curious, beyond any idea of expectation, comparison, and "should". So keep it simple. When you find yourself complicating things, see it as a sign you’ve wandered, and come back. Don’t worry about those who seem to promote some complicated or arduous practice. Keep it simple; simple is key.
You’re not broken
The heart of your practice wants to be the idea that you are not broken, not at all.
When you’re awake, there’s nothing to fix — it’s just that you’ve forgotten, fallen asleep to the reality of you. You’re sleepwalking, dreaming, that’s all. Wake up and regain alignment. The ego will find a billion things to fix; your experience of waking up to now will show you that none of that is true.
Talk it out so you can return to now
Therapy, talking it out, may be very helpful. Maybe that’s talking to someone you pay — a therapist, a coach — or maybe that’s to a friend, a good friend who won’t let you gaslight yourself. Understanding why can help — why you hurt, why you lash out, why you protect, why you retreat. But ultimately you don’t need to know, really.
Come back to the fact that you’re not broken. You don’t react poorly because you have a fundamental flaw in your being, no; it simply was your best strategy for dealing with what you’ve been dealt in the past. With awareness and a constant state of being, you can do differently, consciously.
Understanding and talking is a vehicle so you can reset, so you can let go and make a new choice right now. Ultimately, understanding or not, you’ll just make a new start and a new choice now, regardless.
It is happening for you
It’s helpful to assume that it’s all happening for you, even when you don’t understand why. Just assume, shrug your shoulders, and get on with the moment. Keep it that simple, and keep the mental gymnastics to a minimum.
You will forget
You will fall off the wagon. The presence of an old thing doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It’s just popping up to make sure you’re awake. Go again; don’t let it defeat your intention. That’s what it comes down to —
Just go again
Go again. Reset, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go again. You always get to go again. Have an idea of where you want to go, but make it about what you can do now. You can never change what has happened, but you can certainly change what has happened.
Don’t look back
Your ability to measure and adequately compare with a past version of you was always flawed. The more present you become, the more slippery the past becomes, so don’t really bother. When the voice of doubt — “I’m going nowhere,” “I’ll never get this” — comes along, rely on your trusted advisors and not the dubious voice in your own head. Ask them, and trust them.
Get help
Trusted advisors and companions are necessary. Every leader in every field of human endeavour has a team, even if they do something solo. Find them and lean on them. You don’t need to do this alone — in fact, I would go as far as saying you can’t.
What do you reckon? Sound good, sound fair?
You won’t realise it, but every little choice for something uplifting, something aligned and true … that really makes a difference: to you and everyone around you.
So keep going, keep shining bright.
And let me know how I can help,
Arjuna