When there is no way in the world you could be positive

I’ll put my hand up and say that I am guilty of telling people to choose to be more positive.

I say guilty, but I’m not sorry -  your choice to see things in a more positive light changes many things, not least your enjoyment of life.

I know the more you are positive the more life tends to be seen in a better light, i.e. your filters get polished and life just seems … easier, less of a slog.

You’re happier for no reason, just because you are alive.

Also, saw a study that said feeling grateful means your body almost doubles certain aspects of your immune system, means you have a higher oxygen uptake in your cells, creates better coherence of your heart rhythms.

Pretty cool huh?

What’s cooler is that you body doesn’t know the difference between spontaneous gratitude and mechanically “choosing” to be grateful.

You do it - you just are grateful by sitting down and doing one of them gratitude lists, and even though it may feel a bit fake, your body sits up and takes notice.

So you can fake it until you make it, until it becomes a reality.

But!

I do understand that life isn’t always fluffy rainbows and blessings and unicorns.

I know that sometimes life isn’t that cool and you’re trying hard to be positive and you just can’t do it.

No worries.

The pressure of not being positive is worse than not being positive is itself.

Do you see?

Nothing is a problem unless you make it a problem.

If you can’t be positive, if you can’t see the glass as half full, just settle for being present.

Just be okay with not being okay.

Accept, and in that acceptance, be okay with what is - even if that isn’t that good.

Don’t give up on living, just take a load of pressure off trying to be different.

That there is your choice, the choice to accept and be okay with feeling rubbish.

In a sense, you come to a place of being content … that’s not quite right as I write it, I can’t find the exact word but it’s “contentment-like” …

You come to a place where you can just be here.

The more you are here, the less you listen to the inner troll.

The less you go into the future.

The less you rehash the past.

And most importantly, the more patient you are, and understanding too, when you do those “whatever you do don’t do these things” things.

It’s not going to last forever.

Let it be there, just don’t wallow in any of it. Don’t wholesale dive in, gentle awareness and presence is enough - it’s always enough - until it changes.

Go well, keep the peace however that looks.

Beware the inner troll

You know the troll that lives in your own head? Far worse than the ones on the internet. Or the ones that live under bridges.

It is so easy to fall into harsh self-criticism. Don’t do it. The more you listen, the more it talks.

You think it’s useful feedback, but it really isn’t. It’s just self-abuse.

The times when I’ve been feeling really bad about myself have all been when I’ve done something that hasn't met my standards. I know I let myself down and perhaps hurt someone else.

That sucks, right?

It is such a cliche, but everyone does the best they can at the time with what they know.

I certainly hope that’s true, at least I hope it’s true for me.

Whether it’s true or not, I see “doing the best you can” is a means of accepting what happened, accepting so you can move on. Of not listening to the troll. The troll does not accept.

After acceptance what you need to do is make sure you don’t keep making the same mistakes.

You learn from that, if you want - get five minutes, sit (when you’re in a clear and objective space) and write all the lessons down, and then hit the reset button. Clear the plate and go again:

“What can I do now?”

One of the biggest mistakes you will ever make is listening to the troll. It is one that humans as a whole do a lot, and repeatedly do.

It’s nasty and de-motivating. It will keep you in the past forever recycling mistakes (actual and totally imagined ones). It will create all kinds of dramatic futures. It will stop you learning and getting on with making fresh choices.

You gotta stay present and away from your troll. Don’t let it get a grip on you.

The inner game is you versus your troll. He may win a point here and there, but don’t let him win the match.

Game on!

The one vital - yet simple - key to perfect meditations

I saw a funny guided meditation this morning, and it reminded me of something extremely valuable.

It’s called, and I apologise in advance for the profanity, “F**k It” meditation.

I only write about it, not because I rejoice in crassness, but it serves a valuable teaching purpose.

Or something like that.

But anyhow… what a wonderful attitude.

How wonderful if you applied that attitude to your own meditation practice…

What if you just stopped doing, trying, scrambling, for anything?

That’s the whole purpose of meditation - to give yourself a moment to do nothing.

Nothing at all.

How often do you do nothing?

That’s right - not enough.

But it’s easy to bring a “get there faster” achievement mentality to meditation.

I know that, having a background in sports, there is a certain amount of “just do it… yesterday” attitude around.

“If I was doing it right there wouldn’t be all these thoughts”

“If I was doing it right there I wouldn’t get distracted”

“If I was doing it right, a lotus would grow as my seat, and celestial beings would come and massage my shoulders”…

So meditation is the opposite of that.

It is giving up the right.

It is giving up the wrong.

It is indeed saying “F**k It” to everything.

It is doing nothing, but doing nothing with a purpose.

That purpose is in this moment to just gently notice everything.

You see when you give up, you stop focussing on the thing you think “should” be happening, and just let everything happen.

When you let everything be there, you notice more.

You widen your focus. You allow everything to come and go.

You get perspective.

Your body rests. Your mind rests deeper than ever before (even if you don’t realise this is happening)

You don’t cling to the one thing, you let everything.

You become the ocean.

(that’s spiritual talk that is)

So when you sit down and close your eyes today - stop achieving, searching, hunting.

Do nothing. Even say “F**k It” if it helps.

You may believe you can’t meditate, or that it’s difficult. But everyone can do nothing. Everyone can give up trying.

Close your eyes, and simply notice what there is to notice.

If you know the Ascension techniques, wait, just notice - what’s the hurry, huh? and then introduce one. See what happens.

You have it good - they do everything for you,

They “disapparate" (told you I was reading Harry Potter) the clinging to an outcome, they guide you to the truth of the matter.

Whatever you do, just do nothing.

And reap the rewards.

What if stress, struggle and compromise was optional?

Whatever you do, however you live, what if it is possible to be completely and constantly free of doubt, worry, fear, self-sabotage and compromise?

You never have to struggle again.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Someone wise once said that in life “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”.

Honestly - Things can happen that you would rather not, but they don’t have to affect your peace.

They don’t have to stop you being calm, clear and content.

When you know this, all stress becomes an option.

You may not know how to live this way, but simply hold it as a possibility - what if you were able to live this way?

Holding it as just a possibility is the greatest beginning.

Then…

Have a look at yourself first - “what choices am I making that mean I get stressed?”

“Do I want to be stressed”?

“What choices can I make that will create a different result?”

It’s easy to point the finger and find the source of stress and struggle outside of yourself, but you can be sure you have also made choices that bring you to this point.

If you want a fast path, assume that stress isn’t about the outside at all.

It is totally about your perception of events.

You are in control of your own perception and judgement.

That you can change.

Change your perception, change the fixed nature of your future plans, change your insistence that other people change… all this means you don’t get stressed.

Don’t lose your peace.

You can learn to be totally present, accepting of what is.

In that stress becomes an option.

Why not? Why not explore that? Wouldn’t it be worth being stress, struggle and compromise free?

I say it is.

Keep on truckin’ - keep on moving in that direction and you’ll get there.

Powerful motivation can come from regret

One of the most powerful realisations for me in my life was that the things I considered important, such as peace, love, not compromising, being honest, being true…

I wasn’t prioritising them.

It was like someone gave me a big slap simply because I referred to these things a lot, and yet I wasn’t putting my money where my mouth was. I wasn’t walking my talk.

I know when clarity comes, sometimes it comes with a bit of discomfort. Like a tweak of regret, or even anger towards the source, something like that.

Do you know that feeling?

But it can be good - you can use it as motivation not to compromise, to actually prioritise, to keep going.

A guy called Pat Flynn wrote about this recently. I don’t usually quote people, but it was perfect for what I was writing about this morning so I stole it:

“True motivation comes from knowing you can do better than you are, now. It's actually a little painful, like this slight twinge in the back of your neck or spleen, and it moves around. But it's there. And I think it might also called regret. You don't want that.

Motivation is all but a hedge against regret I think. It is knowing how immense you are, and believing in it, and doing something--almost, literally, anything--to prove it.”

For me motivation came just like that - in the form of wanting to avoid regret. The last thing I wanted to do was feel any regret, ever, and that really got me going.

Now I know regret it also a habit, it is a pattern of thinking that many of us have.

It isn’t useful to entertain, but it can be useful as a kick up the bum to put those important things first.

Avoid suffering, and prioritise the important things.

Simply because it’s important.

And since I am a Bright Path Ishaya meditation teacher - here is my blatant pitch:

Learn and practice Ascension.

It is the one thing that makes it easier to avoid all suffering.

It is the one thing that makes it simple to prioritise the important things.

If you keep doing the same things you’re going to get the same results. Just so you know.

Whatever you do though, enjoy yourself, ok?

Keep the peace!

Arjuna

I have courses coming up you really want to be on:

• Stroud, Gloucestershire 29-31 Jan
• Scarborough 12-14 Feb

and a mini-retreat one here in Richmond, North Yorkshire coming up in March (meaning you can come and stay with the family in home comfort, totally awesome)

Let you know dates asap.

But for everywhere else: go here and you won’t regret it.

Hit the reset button

You know - every single one of you can, at any time, at any stage, reset.

By reset, I mean simply start again - be fresh, try again, go again.

No matter what has happened, and I mean no matter what, you can begin again.

It is the simplest of things, all you have to do is be prepared to reset. All you have to do is be prepared to let go of the past and restart.

It was a revelation for me to be told that I could.

It was like I was given the permission to do my best and then no matter what just happened, clean the slate and go again.

It takes the sting out of failure - it removes that idea completely.

It becomes more about “ok, what next?”

That’s the promise of a new year too, isn’t it?

The ability to be “born again”, to go from here, to be new and have another try.

What next? No matter what happened, what is your journey?

But reset more often - make it not just a once a year deal.

Apply the reset consistently.

Start again in each and every moment - no matter what just happened, whether you think it was great or terrible, what does right now have to offer you?

Reset!

- Arjuna

ps. the greatest reset tool?

You know it:

the Bright Path Ishayas' Ascension meditation. It gives you the tools to let go. To actually get out of the loops of thinking about the same past moment.

It means you can be aware and to make another choice. It was life changing for me, and for everyone I know that just does it.

The ones that think about doing it? Not much happens. Just the same.

The ones that actually get down to business and do it? Ever increasing freedom of choice. The ability to reset and take control away from the “evil” brain within us all.

I have courses coming up you really want to be on:

• Stroud, Gloucestershire 29-31 Jan
• Scarborough 12-14 Feb

and a mini-retreat one here in Richmond, North Yorkshire coming up in March (meaning you can come and stay with the family in home comfort, totally awesome)

Let you know dates asap.

I make the mistakes so you don’t have to.

Wouldn’t it be nice if that were true? Well hopefully you can learn something from this so you don’t repeat it.

If you read yesterday’s blog it was all about knowing the time when you can push through and knowing when you need to pull back and let go.

I’ve been so excited of late as to the whole new year resoluteness, I had some fine things I wanted to achieve over the next few months, and a plan to get them.

I am really quite excited about it all, but then found myself having zero motivation to do it.

No matter what I did, there was just no juice for it.

The harder I pushed, the more frustrated and tense I got.

I was so focussed on achieving that I forgot things take time. Sometimes I’m in charge of that time, sometimes not.

I was so focussed on the future I completely forgot to be content now.

I forgot to enjoy the ride.

The goal is great, but the journey - that’s so important.

Enjoy the journey.

Forgetting that meant life got quite hard for a day or two. It was quite a contrast.

But one thing I love about Ascension meditation is the community. If you need help, you only have to ask and you have it heaped upon you from teachers and other practitioners. I really love that.

So I asked fellow teachers for some help, and low and behold they brought the clarity.

Bingo.

Nice to reset and remember what I’m doing all this stuff, what the most important thing to me is.

That isn’t stress and struggle. It’s complete and absolute enjoyment of each and every moment.

And you know what? As soon as I stopped pushing I got inspired.

Put that one down to learning.

I really do feel like there is something out there, something greater, just constantly laughing at me “crash test dummy” my way through life.

Here’s a toast to “more” - more awareness is always better.

Have a great day, okay?

Feel like doing nothing at all? I know...

Does anyone else feel like doing absolutely nothing?

I feel like I’m still in hibernation mode - I don’t really care for anything beyond a bit of sofa time with my buddy Harry Potter (back for a re-read).

I have talked with so many people who feel the same way, just low motivation.

I like being in touch with people because it reminds me that a lot of what goes on, goes on for many of us at the same time.

When I was teaching yoga a lot I realised this was happening.

People would get the same malady at the same time. I used to joke that it was back week, or elbow week, or bad digestion week, or “whatever was going around” week.

But it was true - I knew what to expect in other people’s bodies. I knew what would be troubling others based on the previous classes.

I say all this simply because somehow whatever you are experiencing is easier if it’s shared.

Then it’s not “your fault” - it’s just something that’s going around.

If it’s not “your fault” then you can work with it, and not try and force through it.

There is a time for productivity and energy, and there is a time for doing the bare minimum, for being patient and nurturing and restoring.

Does that make sense?

There is a time to push, and then there is a time to take it easy.

The more aware you become, the more you will notice that “flow” within you.

Then the choice is yours - you can push and try and force your way through something you think “should” be happening…

…or you can take the easy - and what I have found (honestly) to ultimately be the more productive - way.

It involves being aware, of tuning in, of being sensitive to what is.

The best way I’ve found to do that is… as you know… meditating. The practice of non-judgemental awareness.

The best way of meditating? The Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension.

Simple, easy, it does it for you.

And it gives you a great sense of humour, the ability to cook like a champion chef, and makes you a better lover. Perhaps.

Whatever you do, just close your eyes and start, today. You can’t do it wrong.

Take it easy now

Why you need to be careful with comfort and convenience

Something was pointed out to me the other day, you know when you know something, and then someone puts it into words and it just brings so much more clarity and understanding?

I had one of those moments the other day. A very wise man pointed out that humanity is wired to comfort and convenience.

We largely only do that which is convenient and comfortable.

When you want to do something new, you need go beyond the habitual nature of that comfort.

Take a new diet, say you decide to cut out sugar and all processed foods from your eating.

The first thing to do is empty your cupboards of everything that isn’t on the diet, and fill the empty space with good food that is.

You make it convenient to eat the food that you want to.

If it’s convenient to you, it will be simpler to stick with the diet, the diet will then become a habit.

You only need discipline until the new way becomes habitual.

Habitual is another word for comfortable.

You don’t need discipline when something is habitual, because it is comfortable to you, it is more natural.

With our diet example, there is a point where you notice it’s more comfortable to eat well then eat the sugar.

You’ll bite into some Ben and Jerry’s and realise how a tablespoon is now more than enough for you, the 2 bowls you used to eat just make you feel sick.

But until it becomes comfortable you need a little discipline, and you need to make it convenient.

Preparation is everything.

It is the same with your practice of meditation (or whatever your plan entails to be awesome in 2016).

You need to overcome the habit of not doing it. You need to prepare and make it as convenient as possible to do it.

I set a time. Every day I knew that was the time I went to close my eyes.

I set up a little log so I could be accountable. I read inspiring books, kept myself immersed in the world of meditation so it was right in the front my awareness. I told my friends, I did everything I could think of to make sure I sat everyday.

And now I can’t go a day without it. It makes my life more comfortable, the rewards are very convenient.

Meditation has become a habit.

Awesomeness is just a habit.

You get to choose your habits. You get to choose what is natural to you. What is natural is simply what comes easy to you. All easy takes is a little practice. All habits take practice.

The power of your own mind - for good and for "evil"

You know, it’s clearer to me than ever the power of your own mind.

What thoughts you believe changes everything.

The story that you tell yourself, the tale that you believe to be true.

Your attitude - your mindset…

All of this has the most powerful effect on your whole life, more powerful than anything else.

It filters and colours everything.

You can change your life just by seeing clearly.

You can change your life immediately just by seeing where you limit your own self…

And making another choice.

Perception is everything.

Without clarity, by blindly believing your own mind, without a good, positive, solid, inspired glass half full attitude…

Well… nothing is enjoyable, nothing gets done.

The plan fails because you hit the smallest bump and give up.

You don’t hit your goals, your resolution is irresolute.

You stay on the (figurative or literal) couch and do the same things.

Born for greatness and total enjoyment, and you talk yourself out of it.

Now I know you don’t want that.

So:

Examine your mind carefully - nothing, nothing, nothing is true in there, it is only an option.

Don’t believe the story that you tell yourself, “That this is simply the way life is.”

It is just an option.

Choose another perspective. Choose another option.

See clearly, act clearly.

Life is in your hands.

“I do not fear death, but not living fully” - Wim Hof

How to be totally awesome in 2016

How is the plan to be totally awesome in 2016? To live as the best version of yourself?

Perhaps you already are. Perhaps there is nothing left to achieve. Nowhere left to go. Nothing left to know or do.

Well done… but I don’t think so.

What do you want to do with your one and only life?

I think a wonderful intention is to be whole-arsed. To be awesome in as many ways as you can. Or to not be half-arsed.

But the critical thing is always to be specific.

Without specificity, there is a general, vague, idea that never gets achieved.

Being specific means you start to get clear. Being clear means you can follow that up.

In order to follow it up and become it, you need a plan.

To help you along, for each and every specific thing you want to do or achieve, ask yourself the following questions:

• What are you going to do?
• Why is it important to you? (don’t skip this step)
• How are you going to do it?
• What barriers can you expect?
• How are you going to make sure you get around those barriers?
• Who are you going to enlist to help you or to hold you accountable?

I love the last question. I know someone whose idea of accountability is donating money to his least favourite political candidate (he’s American, and it’s Donald Trump).

All his friends know that if he doesn’t do what he says he will, a chunk of money is heading that way. I would say that there is substantial motivation, don’t you?

What’s motivating for you to do what you said you will do?

A scheme is necessary, simply because otherwise what is comfortable and convenient takes over.

Any change, any living of whole-arsedness, needs to develop momentum to overcome whatever half-arsery is happening at the moment.

Be clear! Make a plan, then follow through.

And then enjoy the awesome whole arsed nature of your life.

Have a superb New Year too, thank you again and again for being here, for being who you are.

As always, if I can help with anything please let me know.

- Arjuna

ps. personally, the greatest support for being awesome, for being calm and clear, for seeing your limits and your bad habits, for an end to all struggle is the Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension.

You just do it and your whole life gets easier, simpler.

It just works, I promise.

If you don’t Ascend already, make it your goal to come to a course in 2016. I’ll be having plenty, but there are many, up and down the country.

If you already do Ascend, practice! Don’t take how awesome you are for granted. Don’t wait to have trouble, just get going. Choose!

The one thing that sneaks up on you that actually means you're doing great

Self-development - isn’t it a funny term? I never usually use it but somehow it popped out of my fingers this morning as I write.

You see you are already developed.

A more accurate term would be self-remembering.

In this game of self-development or self-remembering you get the clarity to remember and to be who you really are more and more.

It’s a nice thing when you realise because there can be such a push to become like someone else. To “evolve”. The pressure to be what you “should” be takes away all the fun.

If you already are developed, then it is a matter of slipping back into some familiar slippers and simply being that best version of you.

Any path worth it’s salt should be all about you being aware of those barriers to being the best version so in that awareness you can go beyond them. Ascend them, if you prefer.

However, in this game the one thing that will always get you is the belief that nothing has changed, that you’re still the same old person with the same old bad habits and bad reactions and badness in general.

Be careful when this thought comes up. I say “when” because it seems to come up for everyone.

It’s not true, just because it’s there. Nothing is true, just an option.

It’s just this option is particularly tempting to believe.

The fact is that you are not the same person you were. If you keep walking your path of remembering, you become that great version of yourself more and more.

In the remembering you lose the ability to compare. You are simply you more and more. You don’t realise how much you are you because there you are, right here, right now.

There is nothing else.

The ability to compare dies because you increasingly simply are, you have no interest in who you were or who you “should” be.

You see?

Perhaps not, but no matter - don’t listen to that voice.

When you hit a bump, it could be easy to look back and think nothing has changed. The fact is that everything has changed, you just can’t tell any more.

It’s a funny little quirk of this self-remembering lark - but the way out is to have that rare species around you known as “trusted others”.

“Trusted Others?”: People you can trust to give you feedback, advice, support. More valuable than gold, they are. But find them and use them.

Take their feedback more than your own mind’s. Because many times other people can see you clearer than you can see yourself.

Enjoy it all - don’t listen to that mad man or woman in your head.

Right. Gotta go!

Enjoy, enjoy each and every moment. Do you promise?

Meditation is selfish? (Or where resistance to being awesome comes from)

Meditation is selfish? Really?

oh well, you are doing it for yourself, not for them. Don’t care what anyone says, unless it’s your partner, then you might want to take some time to explain. And make up by doing extra to help…

The thing is as soon as they see how better you are as a person, they will be shoo-ing you to your meditation chair.

And if they’re not - well, that’s a little different.

You’re probably aware of resistance within yourself. Funny thing, it happens all the time when you break out a new idea or a plan to better yourself.

There’s internal resistance - you know! The voice in your head, the doubt or uncertainty that all of sudden appears; and then there’s external resistance.

External? From your loved ones. They can feel threatened (even if they don’t consciously know it) because you’re pulling off the handbrake and not compromising in some way.

Because you’re not compromising any more, it means they feel they’ll have to start doing the things they know they “should” do. Should in a good way, btw.

Interesting huh?

Sometimes some people are happier when you don’t do anything great.

Because then they have an excuse “well he’s not, so I don’t have to either”. That excuse gets blown out of the water when you actually do.

As always, expect the resistance and do it anyway. Don’t care about anyone else, and support your loved ones as best you can. But still do it.

The only approval you need is your own, because your goals are your own; because you are the one that has to live with your own head.

You are the one that has to live with their own awesomeness - or not.

When all the pies have been eaten, what next?

And so we come to after Christmas, that period when we slow down the eating and drinking, take stock, wonder what promises and resolutions we might make - and which ones we’ll actually keep - for 2016.

2016! Where did that come from?

If you do make a resolution, back it up with a plan. A series of tick list type steps as in “do this, then do this, then do this”.

You see, if you just have a goal but no plan there is no way you're going to get there.

When you have a plan - if you stick to it, you cannot fail. 

Unless it is the wrong plan, but that is another matter. Make the right plan!

And then get support.

No one becomes greater by accident. It takes a desire to have more, and it takes others to nurture and support that desire.

Someone like a mentor or a coach is invaluable to shaping and directing and providing clarity.

Two things for you to ponder and then to collect about your personage:

Who are your mentors?

Start looking for one and they will come. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

And…

Who do you actively look after? Who do you nurture?

It's easy to complain about the state of the world today, but what do you do to make a difference?

Find the answers to your own questions…

Make a plan…

Get support…

Carry it all out…

Be awesome…

Be even more amazing than before…

Repeat.

When nothing less than the best will do

Life is too short to be living half a life. Nothing less than “whole assed” will do the trick.

You feel that way?

I’m sure you do. I’m sure you wouldn’t be reading this if it wasn’t true.

I get you.

A few people, like yourself, don’t want to just get through life. There’s no satisfaction in survival mode. You don’t want to waste a single moment.

There has to be meaning and purpose and excellence. There has to be quality. There has to be a sense of living well.

Whatever it is you do, there is a push for more, a push for everything.

You want to make sure you get everything from life - everything. You want to make sure you live as the very best version of yourself.

It’s difficult to describe, but I feel it. I’ve felt it all my life, this lust for more.

What I didn’t realise was how rare this was. I thought many people felt this way, but recently I have found I have been mistaken.

There are so many people who are very happy settling for less. Just ticking along is perfect, it is enough.

I hope it doesn’t sound like there is judgement there, because there isn’t, I just didn’t realise that I was talking a different language.

I didn’t realise why I didn’t make any sense to some of the people I was in front of.

There was a fundamental lack of understanding, and I didn't realise it.

Now I do. Now I get it.

I’m so glad you guys are around so I can talk to you about being amazing.

I want to say it’s awesome to know you. To know that you want to make the biggest difference you can, and that you are.

And I want to say I know if it drives you crazy sometimes, that needing to have more; that whole question, “What is my purpose? What am I doing here?”

It used to drive me crazy. Talk about being jumpy and so not content or satisfied. I was constantly looking for the next thing, the next adventure, the purpose.

I am so glad (glad isn’t even touching the depth of appreciation I feel) that I learnt to Ascend. That one weekend, being given those simple meditation techniques, it aligned so much for me.

It gave me the ability to have my cake and eat it too.

To be content and to thrive on more.

To have an anchor, a sense of connection, of purpose, and the springboard to experience everything.

To have a means of going beyond limitations and self-sabotage.

To see my mind clearly and all it’s habits and be able to drop them and live as the best version of myself.

So bravo.

Bravo for not settling for less, for wanting to be the best you can be.

Cliched I do not want to sound, but if I do, oh well.

If you need anything, anything at all, let me know. I will do my absolute best to help you out.

It is a pleasure to have you here. Thank you.

How to make it Christmas every single day of your life

So Christmas, the time for giving and for eating and raising a toast to life, to your family and friends. To make of it what you will, to celebrate for whatever reason you see fit. Huzzah!

You might have presents to give?

I know I do, fiancee is getting a cracker of a gift sometime today. Can’t tell you what because you never know what she will read and when. She might be reading right now so shush…

I am so excited to give the parcel, I really can’t wait. I asked her if she wanted her present yesterday but she said no. Looks like I’ll just have to wait.

But beyond that...

Beyond if you celebrate Christmas or no, if you give gifts or no, I have a question or two for you to consider, to ponder perhaps over a mince pie and a cuppa or other tipple of your choosing, and then put into action.

Question One:

What is the single greatest gift you would wish for yourself?

What do you want more than anything else in this whole world? What is the most important thing to you?

• Work that out and then make sure you give it to yourself. Don’t settle for less than having that one most important thing, ok? Don’t stop until you have it in your sticky little hands.

Question Two:

What is the greatest thing you could give to your loved ones?

• Now, make sure you give that thing constantly, completely and absolutely.

Strive to be and give this most important thing always. Make it the foundation of every act, of every thing.

And then all of life will be amazing, truly amazing.

And you will exclaim in every moment of your life, "why it seems like Christmas every day".

How are you going to do Christmas?

My mother would often talk about “doing Christmas differently this year”.

Then Christmas would come along and it would seem like it was very similar to last Christmas, and the Christmas before that, which was identical to the Christmas before that.

One might say everything was the same, exactly the same.

I now understand her intention to do things differently, maybe it was in regard to the volume of eating and drinking, or the doing everything despite offers of help (the answer of “no, its fine”), or (related) inviting those people around who never even did a dish or even offered to contribute in any sense.

It was the intention to celebrate it on her terms, but then what I think happened was she fell under pressure to what “should” happen.

And so the “should” won over what made her fully enjoy the day.

Are you under any pressure to do it a particular way?

And where does the pressure come from? Within or without? That is an important realisation.

Most of the pressure for my mum came from within. Because it was “tradition” and it was supposed to be this way. Everyone else didn’t care, we wanted her to have a good time more than anything else.

For me this Christmas I know there is pressure from without to have turkey this year, again. Because it’s “tradition”. Now this is a small compromise that I can deal with. And we’re getting in a goose as well. Haha!

But I have friends who are vanishing to a tropical island because of too many years of entertaining family who never ever give anything back, and are probably just generally bad company as well.

And I applaud them.

Why not do life on your terms? In consultation with your partner, of course. Very important point.

All of this is important, because it’s part of living the best life you can.

Being whole assed is crucial.

Sure, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do for the sake of diplomacy and good relations, but see clearly where you are making yourself do something you really don’t want to.

Be clear.

Make a plan of what you want to happen, even if it’s just down to how much you want to eat and drink or who will actually do what on the day. Factor in what kind of variance you will accept, and then go, put it in action.

Good job!

A scheme is necessary, simply because otherwise what is comfortable and convenient takes over. You do what you have always done.

Any change, any living of “whole-assedness”, needs to develop momentum to overcome whatever half-assery is happening at the moment.

And why not?

Why not have a fantastic time? Why not enjoy every moment?

Try this one thing today!

There is one critical thing in your practice of meditation; your practice of mindfulness; in developing the mindset you want; in living free of your own mental limitations.

In the Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension it’s called “innocence”.

I’m sure I’ve written about it before, but it’s such a simple skill, a simple attitude, a simple way of being that not many “get” it.

When you are present, fully present in the real sense of the term: alive, immersed, absorbed by what is in front of you; well… then you can’t be anything else but innocent.

But it works the other way around too - you can cultivate a sense of being innocent and then as a side effect you become fully present, as in alive and totally captivated by the moment.

Innocence. I wish I could bottle it.

Innocence is having no expectations, no prejudice. It is being fascinated with what is in front of you, it is being fascinated by whatever you choose.

Innocence is being perfectly content, because in having no expectations there isn’t a sense that you should be experiencing something else, something different. It is simply showing up for life, as it is.

Innocence isn’t holding someone to their past behaviour. It is being open to what they may be like now. It insists nothing, pushes no agenda, just says and does it like it is.

Innocence isn’t naivety. It is being fresh. It is letting go of the past and seeing what now has to offer.

Innocence is as far away from “why?” as you can get. It is totally a sense of “wow!”, and is all self-cultivated, self-chosen.

Think you could be innocent as possible for a day?

Sure you can. Give it a shot and see what happens. You might like to be innocent for another.

The one counter-intuitive thing that actually helps when you’re deep in the downs

I appreciate that sometimes life isn’t that rosy. I know that something, no matter what you do, you just get stuck in a funk - a bad mood, a depression, a whatever.

I know that.

Got hit by something yesterday, a big case of the grumps.

For a while I tried to get rid of it, but it just wasn’t going. Right after I wrote about being full of joy. Ha! - The universe does have a sense of humour: “try this one on for size, smart arse!”

I used to get this all the time, like a heaviness, a depression, a pointlessness. The mood would stick around for days and days, my mind just full of negativity and “can’t be bothered - what is the point?”

Back then it was hard to see anything else. It was not nice, to tell you the truth.

Now it’s different, I have more tools, more perspective, more support.

Yesterday was funny (well, it’s funny now) - I threw everything in my toolbox at it, and no go.

It wouldn’t move.

As much as I talk about choice, as much as I know about choice, sometimes the only choice you have is to do nothing.

To completely do nothing at all. Not to change a thing.

If you’ve tried shifting a bad mood through choice, by appreciating and being grateful, by giving, by being present and breathing deep, by talking it through with someone you trust, by doing some exercise, by all the little tricks that work to take your attention away from those thoughts…

If you’ve done all of that and it’s still there, then the way out is just simply to accept it.

Stop trying to change it. Stop trying for something else. Just be totally ok being grumpy or down in the dumps, or whatever it is you’re feeling.

The worst thing is the feeling that “I shouldn’t be feeling like this”. Well, you are. Pressuring yourself to feel differently doesn’t help when you’re deep in.

Here’s the critical thing - don’t push it away but also don’t get all wrapped up in it either. Recognise that it’s going on and just let it run. Let those thoughts be there; just don’t believe them, don’t take them seriously.

It won’t last forever. It’ll change.

I chatted it through with my fiancee - talking always helps no matter what - and she’s very good at laughing at me (what’s that about?), and so she laughed, told me to stop trying to be Mr Perfect, and laughed some more. So I told her to take her laugh and stick it somewhere else, and just got on with being grumpy.

As soon as I fully accepted it, it lasted all of an hour. And by then I couldn’t care less whether it had gone or not. Came back in the night but I couldn’t be bothered caring, once again. Couldn’t care, no stickiness. Very interesting, I think.

It’ll change super quick if you don’t try and change it. Funny huh? The more you try to get rid of it, the stickier it becomes. The more you think it shouldn’t be here, the stickier it is.

Accept it all, open your arms and allow.

Do what you need to - maybe a long walk by yourself, a bath, a bit of time on the couch if you can get it.

Just be patient, loving to yourself, and let it unfold.

It is only a problem if you make it a problem.

Good luck, especially if you’re feeling not so good. It can be there, but it doesn’t need to dominate.

Let me know how you get on.

Take it easy, okay? Everything changes.

The season to be "whole assed"?

My meditation teacher loves t-shirts. One of his current favourites simply says “Be Whole Assed”.

Do you get it?

In other words, his t-shirt is saying “don’t be half-assed”.

Cool huh?

Well, I like it.

How are you doing at being “whole assed”?

Part of that is making sure you do what you said you would, for sure. Making plans and goals, doing and going and all of that.

But for me a big chunk of being whole assed is enjoying each and every moment.

In this season of goodwill, joy, and celebration are you fully enjoying yourself?

I’m not much of a Christmas decoration, tinsel, flashing lights, Christmas songs kind of guy, but my fiancee and her family definitely are. So I leave it to them.

But it gives me a lot of joy to watch them get all excited about the Christmas tree - 7 foot tall this year, came in through the window. But only just.

What I love about Christmas the most is the coming together. The hunkering down next to the fire. The eating and the toasting of good health.

I love the celebration of life itself. In these dark mid-winter days (up north of the globe anyways), I love the stopping and making a feast to contentment and joy and living.

For I believe you have to choose to celebrate, pretty regularly actually, because no one else is going to do it for you.

For you need to remember to thrive, not merely survive.

And celebration is part of that.

If you wait to enjoy, you’ll be a waiting for some time.

It can be so easy to forget that, even when the season is about joy, you know?

So even in the lead up to the big moment - make it about joy. Don’t be pressured, or anxious, or any of those things that people tell me they get around this time.

Instead, be whole assed - enjoy each and every moment.

That’s what I’ll be doing at least.

Enjoy. For it is the purpose of life itself.