“Tennis is more fun with a court.”
— Alan Watts
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Have you seen the research that shows humans increasingly suffer when faced with an increasing number of choices?
Psychologist Barry Schwartz has shown that more choices make us less likely to take action, and to be LESS satisfied with our eventual decision.
Freedom isn’t this wide open field of “do whatever you want, whenever you want” that we think it might be.
An unlimited buffet of choices is great for a holiday – one where you don’t want to achieve much. But a constant state of “do whatever you want, whenever you want” choice only leads to indecision, which leads to stagnation. We take the most comfortable and known choice which leads to smaller and smaller circles of stuck in a rut.
And as Pulitzer Prize winning novelist Ellen Glasgow beautifully (and brutally) puts it:
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“The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.”
— Ellen Glasgow
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Comfort therefore is somewhat of a hallmark of a limitation. Unconscious it may be, but comfort keeps you in a box. It means you play small.
Freedom, as it turns out, is the ability to choose for oneself useful boundaries.
These useful boundaries, as my Ishaya teacher recently said, help keep us on track to more – to where we really want to go.
This necessarily means doing different things or doing the same things with a different attitude! And different things are the opposite of comfort. So … boundaries actually help you on a trajectory to grow and to become the fullest version of you.
Isn’t that interesting?
The question then is, what are you choosing to put in place so you can be the very best version of you?
For me?
I have a host of useful boundaries in terms of my vows as an Ishaya monk. They stop the limited and short-term gratification oriented part of me from sabotaging the whole mission.
The vows also remind me of the mission. I need constant reminding and inspiration because the habits of limitation slip back in so effortlessly WHEN I’m not actively mindful and paying attention.
Live mindfully not mindlessly, right?
My Ishaya teacher again:
Useful boundaries are like the rubber bumpers on the edge of the dodgem track. They prevent us from completely going off and destroying ourselves. They’re the rumble strip on the edge of the motorway.
So:
What is the higher standard that you’re aiming towards?
As always, it’s an aim not a whip. This is not a means to punish yourself when inevitably you fall short.
Together with that, I know I’m so much better – you might know what I’m going to say here – when I eat, sleep, drink, breathe and exercise well. When I consciously choose to appreciate and be grateful ... and most importantly ... when I close my eyes and do my Ascension meditation/mindfulness practice on a consistent basis.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t always WANT to do this, but I – and my loved ones – are always so so much better when I do.
When I take the time to go within, as the saying goes, it makes it so much easier to go beyond. I have so much more access to the inner resources that come from aligning with present moment presence through my practice. This in turn means life can really come alive.
Useful boundaries don’t have to be complicated or difficult. Turns out the most powerful ones are the simplest.
Buddha talked about walking the razor’s edge to true freedom – seems difficult, impossible even. Someone forgot to mention the giant guiding and supporting bumpers that are your useful boundaries. The razor’s edge is a doddle with useful boundaries. Without them, it’s as difficult as you can imagine. Tricky ol’ Buddha.
There’s so much more here, but enough words for one day.
What are you saying no to so you can say yes to what really matters to you?
What are you saying yes to so you don’t have to say no to what is a distraction?
As Igor Stravinsky put it: “The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees oneself.”
Be free; be awesome. Live a life you’re proud of, and excited by.
Go well!
Arjuna