“We are the hero of our own story.”
— Mary McCarthy, American author and critic
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They say never meet your heroes.
Why?
I think it’s to do with being disappointed by what you find.
I’ve met some of my heroes, and I’ve held them to some pretty high standards and ideals, putting them up on some very high pedestals.
And it’s true.
I really was very disappointed when they fell short of who and what I wanted them to be. They got chucked, and I went searching for someone who wouldn’t fail me.
In dark times it was easy to feel despondent. “Maybe there is no such thing as Good in the world? Maybe I should give up trying to find a better way?”.
Ever had that kind of doubt?
Yikes, that bitter and twisted, even nihilistic, “What’s the point?” attitude is tough to carry.
After a while, the cycle of worship/disappointment/discard/doubt wobble/search became obvious, and turned into a valuable lesson.
(“Lesson” being that lovely spiritual code word/cliché for that huge disappointment/frustration/source of pain that you hope to make into a silver lining. Ha! And yet, it’s true, it was indeed a fantastic lesson.)
The lesson being that it was always and only me who had to attempt to live up to my own ideals. It’s a waste of time and energy expecting anyone else to embody that which I wanted to be and do.
We can’t project onto someone else what we value; it just doesn’t work. No one is us. It’s even kinda arrogant to think that others should value what we do – and should is always a brutal master.
Now, it’s certainly easier to outsource a high ideal and expect others to pick it up; to create the kind of vision we want to see. We want leadership, role models, someone to follow.
When the path has been cleared before us, walking it is a doddle compared to making it.
But.
It has to be on you, and on me.
We have to cut our own path.
We have to make our own principles flesh.
We have to make our own Good.
You see?
We are the ones who have to live what we love; we are the ones who have to become the change we want to see.
It takes a whack of boldness, I’ll say that for sure – and I think that’s why I tried to outsource my standards onto someone else: I wanted someone else to do it for me.
So –
Have heroes; find inspiration in others. But separate your values from their person.
In a very real sense, it doesn’t matter what someone else does or doesn’t do.
It’s about you, your life and your satisfaction – your pride even – in your efforts to be the person you want to be; to be the person you know you are.
The best tool for this is to stay reminded of, and intentional in, your vision for your life.
Making a habit of daily inspiration for more is so important. It means you can rise above all the stress and busy-ness and demands of just staying alive.
It means you can remember.
It means your sense of what is good, what you’re aiming at, stays front of awareness and prioritised.
And then you have a chance of being the Good you seek, more and more often.
Stay focused on what you want, but most importantly, who you want to be.
As John Wooden, the very wise basketball coach, had to say on this –
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“Happiness is in many things. It’s in love. It’s in sharing. But most of all, it’s in being at peace with yourself knowing that you are making the effort, the full effort, to do what is right.”
— John Wooden
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There’s not much that is more satisfying in life – perhaps nothing else.
Go well my friends!
Arjuna