“Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.
Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them — every day begin the task anew.”
— Saint Frances de Sales
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You’ve heard the whole expression about patience being a virtue.
Not just a signifier of high moral standards, it’s practically useful. And that is what I want – something I can apply to the business of living.
In this moment, I’m sleep deprived.
We did an 8 hour drive back from the beaches of Devon late last night, and of course the kids wanted an early start.
The power of caffeine to get the motor running is well appreciated by me. I don’t know how parents parent without coffee (and Ascension meditation), I really don’t.
The dark side of it is that once up and going, I tend to want to get up and going yesterday … i.e. everything is pushy and a rush.
It’s something I’ve been talking lots with May (who is 5) about …
Waiting is an important part of living, but the important question really is: What’s your attitude while you’re waiting?
When you truly connect with the present moment you can learn to feel your way – it becomes more and more obvious when an attitude of patience is necessary.
You see –
You can take steps to move forward and you’ll feel an opening, a rush of motion. We love the gap, the flow, the moving, the doing.
But often you take steps forward and there’s a resistance; a no-go, a barred door, something we have little or no power over. We don’t love this.
This is where we cause ourselves trouble.
An example – a friend of mine said she used to go running and if she encountered super windy wind, she’d yell and scream at it.
How useful is that?
Only insane people yell at the wind. The wind doesn’t care; it only frustrates you.
When I used to go surfing, I’d do the same thing.
I’d love when the waves were just so. When they weren’t, I’d yell and scream at the ocean to give me what I wanted.
Only insane people yell at the ocean.
So – don’t be insane.
Feel your way into the moment; into your environment; into your Self.
Flow, or resistance?
The more mindful you are, you more you’ll feel it.
If you’re wise, you’ll honour the feeling of resistance and be patient and wait for the opening.
Last week we talked about the power of listening – of not holding an agenda, not listening to speak, but listening and tuning in to understand.
It’s the same thing.
It’s a marvellous skill to wait and tune in … and not so you can merely bring forth the words or action that you’ve held tight to, but so you can meet the need of the moment: empty and fresh and vital – and not stressed and pushy and trying the insane choice of forcing the moment to bend to your will.
Maybe you can bring forth the old plan (“Yes!!!!”); maybe a whole new plan can come from the mindful and fresh meeting of the reality of the moment.
Mindful patience and the wisdom to feel your way. It’s a life lesson. There’s always more to learn. We never master it.
Crankiness.
Being on holiday, Sumati and I were also talking with May about being “cranky” –
That common state of exhaustion, hunger, dehydration, sun burn and loss of routine and familiar places that leads to a vanishing sense of humour, quickness of argument and general lack of patience and respect.
We were saying how it’s useful to remember that it’s never the people that cause the crankiness, but to understand it lies in you.
This too will change.
Take a deep breath. Drink more water, eat some food, have a rest. You’ll come back to yourself, and back to your enjoyment.
Flow forward; not force forward.
Wu wei – the art of “sailing, not rowing” as the great Alan Watts once said.
But the important thing is that if you know, you know. You can get better at something like patience, and not reacting.
The more you practice, the stronger you get. The suffering that you cause yourself disappears; you feel it coming on and you can side step it.
Like I said, extremely practically useful.
Take the opportunities to practice because they will arise. It’s never a case of if, and always a case of when. How many times are we forced to wait in any given day? Shopping, driving, kids, slow internet loading … make your own list.
Get good at the small and you’ll be so much more ready for the big.
Practice and all is coming. You always get to go again – and you want to because patience is a fine attitude to cultivate.
And as Frances de Sales so rightly says in the leading quote, patience with yourself while you’re in the process of learning is the mother of all skills to refine.
Thanks for reading. Go well,
Arjuna