Non-violence … it sounds like a great thing, and indeed it is.
It’s a cornerstone of many spiritual paths, yet it’s often understood in a limited way. You probably have encountered the concept as “doing no harm,” which is a powerful and admirable goal. It leads people to approach the world with kindness, understanding, and compassion. But if you’re pursuing a spiritual journey, particularly while balancing all you have to balance and chasing all that you want to chase, you might find that focusing solely on the outer aspects of non-violence misses something important – and useful.
In reality, the most profound violence may not be against the outside world at all — but rather within, in how you speak to yourself and view your own worth. Many on a spiritual path hold judgments about themselves, measuring who they are against who they wish to be. This is a fine starting point; change usually entails both heading toward a greater state of being and leaving behind something.
But …
The journey to inner peace and calm is also about all judgments that “I’m not good enough.” It requires transforming the expectations you place on yourself. In a paradoxical way, it’s not about “becoming better” in some distant future, but about embracing the present moment with all its imperfections — and who you are within it — as fully perfect for this moment.
In this, you grow. You become better, not because you tried to become different, but because you dropped all the erroneous demands and insistences you’d placed on yourself.
Ramana Maharishi puts it much more eloquently: “All spiritual teachings are only meant to make us retrace our steps to our Original Source. We need not acquire anything new, only give up false ideas and useless accretions.”
Common Myths Around Non-Violence
Traditionally, non-violence has been understood as peaceful interactions with the world. You’re likely familiar with this approach: speaking kindly to others, avoiding unnecessary conflicts, helping rather than hurting. This concept is a fine one, certainly, and when you’re on a spiritual path, these ideals can guide your actions.
However, there’s a common limitation. Many people stop here, not realising the violence they may be enacting on themselves. How often do you hear a voice in your head saying, “I’ll be better when I’ve improved,” or “I’m not good enough yet”? The thought patterns that seek self-improvement can, ironically, be deeply self-critical. Without recognising it, you might be carrying judgments about your worth, your past choices, or even your capacity for change.
These kinds of thoughts are a paradox that’s important to understand within spirituality.
They may fuel the drive to evolve, but they often create internal resistance. In seeking to be better, to rise above, to be more “spiritual,” there’s an underlying belief that you are lacking as you are. And so, the journey to non-violence must include not only outer kindness but also inner acceptance. In fact, I’d say it all begins with the inner. You can’t truly be kind to others when you’re rubbish to yourself. Yet go beyond your inner self-criticism and you’ll find your interaction with the world transforms too.
Inner Dialogue and Self-Violence
Here’s something: when you pursue self-improvement as a path to “spiritual evolution,” you might be unknowingly reinforcing a cycle of judgment. You have a vision of who you want to become, and that’s positive — but if that vision is based on dissatisfaction with who you are now, it can be a tricky thing to leave behind. It’s a future-oriented approach, filled with “I’ll be happier when…” or “I’ll be more peaceful if….” But when is what you have ever enough to this constant future and ‘more’ and ‘different’ focus?
In truth, this idea of constant improvement often leaves you missing out on peace in the present. I’ve seen it time and time again. Your inner voice easily becomes demanding or dismissive. It might push you to achieve, to advance, to excel — but to what end? When is enough, enough? When will you ever be finished?
What if the perfection of non-violence meant allowing yourself to rest in the present moment as it is, and as you are? Consider these words from Nisargadatta Maharaj:
“Once you realise that the road is the goal and that you are always on the road, not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and its wisdom, life ceases to be a task and becomes natural and simple, in itself an ecstasy.”
Non-violence on the spiritual path means finding peace now; it means enjoying all of life as it unfolds right now. It means looking at how you speak to yourself daily. It means releasing expectations about who you should become and instead gently accepting who you already are.
Transforming Expectation into Acceptance
Perhaps you entered the spiritual path to find change, to discover something new. Maybe you wanted to be less stressed, more balanced, more at peace. And this is valid; transformation is an important motivator. But true change comes from a place of allowance, not striving. When you let go of the need to “improve” yourself, you actually find a deeper peace that comes directly from a deeper sense of being.
As Ramana Maharishi once said, “Progress is for the mind, not for the Self. The Self is ever perfect.”
Rather than forcing yourself into a future version of who you think you “should” be, the spiritual path invites you to embrace the present. Each moment becomes a lesson, each breath an opportunity to practice being fully with what is, without expectation or demand. In this way, you discover a deeper truth — in this sphere, transformation is about being the person you have always been. Here, it’s the letting go of demands and expectations that brings out a deeper, more natural sense of You as you live in the world.
Bringing Non-Violence Within: Practical Steps
This can seem very confusing to the spiritual seeker who has no true guide. Where should you begin? Alrighty —
Any true teaching will be about the perfection of the present moment through filling it with quiet, careful yet relaxed and alive attention. This starting point seems to be the easiest to grasp. Be mindful, not mindless. Be alive and aware to what’s in front of you, and within you.
The journey starts here and goes within. By doing this, you become more aware and familiar with the presence of the Self within you, that needs nothing and offers everything you truly need. This is being, presence, the “Stillness” that Eckhart Tolle speaks about, and is distinct from what the present contains. This presence needs nothing but enjoys everything. It is clean and pure in that nothing of the past can stick. No regrets, shame, guilt, frustration. Just a clean start. You get to go again, if you give yourself the chance to. Easy and simple!
Now. A trap can be the expectation of something glamorous happening, or as a sign that you’re getting somewhere, as this quote from Nisargadatta Maharaj explains:
“Your expectation of something unique and dramatic, of some wonderful explosion, is merely hindering and delaying your Self Realisation. You are not to expect an explosion, for the explosion has already happened - at the moment when you were born, when you realised yourself as Being-Knowing-Feeling.”
Start simple. The truth is always simple. So start small and simple, the real practice of non-violence might lie in letting go of the self-criticism that tells you, “I’m not there yet”:
Notice Your Self-Talk and Expectations: Are you demanding perfection, or expecting dramatic “aha” moments that will change your life? Or even the seemingly innocent goal of feeling happy? These expectations create pressure and take you out of the present. You do become happier, but happiness begins with contentment — being at ease with the way things (and you) are.
Cultivate Gentle Presence: Instead of pushing yourself to become better, try just being with what is. In moments of stress, take a breath and remind yourself that you are whole as you are. Better still – notice the sense of you, reading these words through your eyes. What is that like? Return to this when you can, even if you can only do this initially in the quiet moments of your day. It’ll be your anchor and your guide.
Redefine Success on Your Journey: Consider what it would feel like to be at peace in the moment and as you are, rather than and/or also as you move forward to reach an ideal. You can usually identify such an ideal or expectation if you’re thinking, “I’ll be happy/fulfilled (insert your ideal/goal), when …”.
Rediscovering the Self, Right Here and Now
A spiritual journey isn’t about extraordinary revelations. In fact, the biggest insight might be realising that you don’t need them at all. The most extraordinary revelation is that you’re just fine, as you are. It’s not about change, even though you do change. You drop all that you don’t need to be, and are able to be perfectly okay as you are. Content, with nothing to prove, nothing to hide, nothing to fear.
True realisation isn’t in some distant future. It’s happening now, immediately after each small act of releasing criticism or expectation towards yourself, in each moment where you release the past and future’s hold on you, when you embrace the acceptance of now, as it is.
The path isn’t about grasping or acquiring; it’s about letting go of the self-criticisms and ideals that tell you that you’re not enough. In this you discover the presence beneath your mind that is a pure sanctuary and place to stand tall. Here you live life fully.
This is all.
Embrace the Present, Embrace Yourself
Non-violence in spirituality isn’t just about peace with others; it’s about peace with yourself. It’s about letting go of judgments, releasing expectations, and finding harmony in this moment – just as it is. When you step away from the demands of improvement and allow yourself to be, you’ll discover that you already are peace. At ease with yourself, the world is your oyster. Needing nothing, you have everything.
Without this pressure to be different, you naturally grow and transform. But it’s never a case of “I HAVE to in order to be happy/better”; rather “I WANT to” — and that makes a world of difference.
The goal is not to become something else but to realise you’ve been whole all along — in fact, all conversations about being whole become irrelevant because “whole” needs an opposite, which you realise you’ve never been. You may have thought you have been, but you’ve been mistaken this whole time.
But now? Now you’re awake, and hallelujah for that.
Let’s go.
So go well!
Arjuna
PS.
Let me know what you think of this, what you find as you practice it, and if I can help with anything at all. I’d love to chat.