"Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city."
— Proverbs
"He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.”
— Lao Tzu
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So many people think peace is a little useless. Nice to have on a Sunday morning when your work is done, but what good is it in life, when you have to take care of your responsibilities and make your way in the world, really?
People don’t even want a sniff of peace because they tell me it’s the opposite of ambition. Some people even consider it selfish to be at peace. “But my family/my business/the world is in such a state, I can’t be at peace!”
Here’s the thing.
Peace isn’t just for monks and yogis. You don’t have to choose to leave the world if you want peace. You don’t have to give up peace if you’re wanting to make a difference. We’re not talking an either/or equation here. This is simply wrong thinking.
Go bigger, broader than these cultural barriers to your view of life. Think “Yes, and…” not “Which one?” Go inclusive, expand, broaden … be careful of the small and constrictive, which is what either/or is.
Now I’d say we live in a world of fear. Fear, mine, and gotta get mine, protect it, and keep it safe.
The other option is the opposite aspect of fear: love, peace, trust, sharing, giving, compassion, understanding, building, and connecting.
(And you have to excuse me as I feel like I’m descending into cliche – but cliches are cliches because at their core they’re true.)
This whole game of life, if you excuse the simplicity, is fear versus love.
The question then is, which one do you want to win?
Love goes hand in hand with peace. You’ll never go for peace and love if that means you materially suffer. It’s all well and good living in a cave if you don’t have to feed your family.
But what if this was just a result of our incorrect and limited either/or thinking, handed down by our culture?
What if you could have peace and … everything? What if peace meant you could make more of a difference?
Why is peace so good and useful in the “real” world?
Peace makes you think clearly.
Choosing peace means you stop fearing. Stopping the fear means you stop constricting your world view. Opening up means more options become available; your creativity is increased dramatically (I’ve seen some solid studies done on this). You can meet the need of the moment more directly because you directly perceive what’s required. Clear thinking = an accurate view of your life and the world, free of distortion from negative emotion and pressure.
Peace impacts your words and actions.
It follows through. Your vision of the world shapes how you interact with it. Your words and deeds come aligned with clear thinking. Clear thinking shapes clear action which shapes clear results.
Peace means more authenticity.
You involve yourself in the right things for you. “I should” is one of the world’s worst handbrakes. Think of all the things you have done, not because you wanted to, but because you thought “I should.” You become guided less by FOMO and FOPO (Fear of Other People’s Opinions). Peace means you take the right path for you, free of all that fear.
Peace is pleasant.
Instead of fighting and struggling through life, instead of all that fear, you let go of the control and be more hands-free… all that control of yours didn’t help much except to give you a propensity for a stroke. Ease combined with awareness means you find more gaps where you can go, more flow with that right amount of effort giving the maximum return. You trust more and micro-manage less, which is a fine thing. Life is more enjoyable, and you do more for less.
Peace means you recover faster and heal more completely.
Your body responds to peace with parasympathetic tone. The “rest, digest, heal, and learn” system of your body gets turned on deeper as your mental and emotional response is not one of stress and fight/flight/freeze/fornicate/feed all the time. You have flexibility in your systems. Not just red-lining go mode, but in and out of go mode and recovery mode. You feel lighter, more energised, more flexible, stronger, faster … all the good things. All because you learned to switch off with peace you can now switch on stronger.
Peace becomes a core value.
The more pleasant life becomes with peace in it, the more you want to prioritise it. It moves from “nice on a Sunday” to “essential on a Monday.” Everything you do and everything you are becomes saturated in peace and not fear because you realise it is one of your greatest assets. Life opens up more and more, it becomes more exciting and filled with opportunities, it opens up more and more; a lovely virtuous cycle is created.
You don’t let peace happen when…
Peace is a balance to the goal-oriented way we live our lives. Everything is results-driven. Peace is the opposite. It’s a sanctuary of rest and respite from the rat race. You have peace “just because”, just because you’re present and free of regard for results. You can’t be present correctly – you’re just tuned in and embracing of everything, free of evaluation.
It’s a place where you don’t have to prove a single thing – and that is one of the most nurturing, recharging things I know, as well as a powerful lesson to take into whatever pursuits where people are goal-oriented. Sure, have a goal but make it about the process. The process is the step by step, present moment actions you take. You see? Peace helps you get there by anchoring yourself here.
Regardless of the ever-changing world, you know peace as an inner constant.
To extend the last, peace becomes unconditional. It’s never “I’ll be at peace when…” but all about your realising your reactions to the events in life. It’s peace now, in the middle of the uncertain and constantly surprising change; never peace “when…” as that never seems to happen.
You have a real choice to keep off the rollercoaster of life and live differently from 99% of the world. Instead of getting yourself in a tizzy, you know internally all is well. “This too will change” becomes a guiding principle, because you see it happen time and time again. Change is the one constant, and as long as you have your internal anchor, you can deal with all of it.
Peace speaks loudly.
Your “All is well” vibes are incredibly comforting to others around you. They back down and breathe deeper because you aren’t reacting. They step back and think clearer. Instead of reacting through fear, they take a broader view and more expansive action.
It’s not really what you do, it’s how you do it that people take note of. Maya Angelou’s saying is so true: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
You’ve had that experience of walking into a room where there’s just been an argument and you can feel it? You know something’s up, your spidey senses start tingling, and you start looking for the action. A room filled with love and ease and peace and creativity is exactly the same. Your state shifts, your blood pressure and heart rate respond, you enter a different way of being.
Who you are speaks loudly, so clearly. You create ripples around you. Create them consciously.
So – this is where you come in. Changing your world starts with yourself.
And here’s the fact:
The one place you can reliably make a change is in yourself. You are the common denominator of your entire life. While you might be able to change someone else (but they usually resent you for it, so quit that), you can most definitely change you.
The change you make in yourself changes things. People are watching. Your children, for example – they never listen to a word you say, but they’re certainly watching everything you do. You know this. Now, there’s always someone “junior” to you, watching how you walk your walk. We love role models; they’re easier to copy than a list of instructions.
All your role models have gone somewhere new. I say peace is the place where we are just starting to move into as a culture as valid territory. You don’t have to fight and beat life and everyone in it to get where you want to be.
Think inclusive and win-win, not “You have to lose so I can win.” Think Roger Federer more than Michael Jordan. There is so much here about healthy competition, but I think I’ve have to get around to it another time.
But regardless of what anyone else does… What do you want to grow in life? From what basis do you want to respond? Fear or love?
You already know. Take a punt on love and peace. Give it a shot, practice peace for a few weeks, and see what comes from it. I think if you truly give it a go, you will never go back.
How do you get more peace?
Here are a few ideas. I can spend a full ten-day retreat throwing ideas at you, so this is just a summary.
Idea 1: Cultivate an inner practice!
Get yourself an inner practice of some sort.
— Mindfulness and Meditation:
Meditation helps you stay calm, centered, and awake in life. Spend a few minutes each day sitting quietly, and focus on your breath. Use a saying that helps. I have some free guided audios that you can find on the “Free” section of my website, if you like. 10-15 minutes done per day for 4-5 weeks is more than enough to see results.
— Learn Ascension:
This is what I teach and practice personally. I’ve not missed a day since 2003 when I learned. It really is the thing. Pleasant and powerful. Not all inner practices are created equal. Do yourself a favor and get the right techniques. Ask me if you’re interested in knowing more.
— A Daily Routine:
Create a routine that brings you joy. Whether it’s a morning walk or a bedtime book, consistency in activities that are done for joy, without regard for results, will bring you peace.
— Breathe:
Deep breaths calm your nervous system and change your state. Try inhaling for four or five counts, holding for as long as you wish, and exhaling for four or five. You can throw in another hold after the exhale if you like.
— Journaling and Reflection:
Just write. Write about your day, your feelings, and your dreams. Reflecting helps you understand and manage your emotions. It gets stuff out of your head and onto paper and somehow transforms it. It’s all a mess up top; on paper you can see it for what it is.
Idea 2: Slow down
Just take it steady. Less fire and fury and fewer accidents. Two sayings, “Slow is steady, steady is smooth, and smooth is fast,” and “Hurry is the enemy of love.” A professional footballer once told me that no matter how pressured she felt, she knew she always had time to stop, look up and around. So do you. Slow down, even stop, then make a call.
Idea 3: Do one thing at a time
Don’t multitask. Don’t try and do more than one thing. You just end up messing it up and not actually enjoying the process of anything.
Idea 4: Recover like an athlete
Treat yourself like someone who is worth spending time in "recovery". There are so many great ways of recovering, but whatever you do, it’s its also time and space for you to ease into your body, to breathe deep, to not go anywhere for a length of time, to be beyond your to-do list. Well-being is a fine thing for inner calm.
Idea 5: Go to bed early
Go to bed early, and learn to sleep like an adult. It’s one of the greatest things you can do.
Idea 6: Thoughts aren’t facts
See that your mind is a bunch of ideas and suggestions. The quality and the clarity of these will depend on your energy and emotions and everything else that’s gone on that day. Learn to see them as options, not reality. Just because your mind says it, doesn’t make it true.
Idea 7: Prioritize and protect your peace
Intentions guide your actions and shape your day. We all write to-do lists, but before you get there, write a to-be list. Who do you want and need to be today? What’s important to you? Since we’re on a peace kick here, why not get to the heart of the kind of values around peace that are important to you. Is it peace? Or kindness? Or calm? Patience? Patient determination? Find those words or values that work for you. Now – What’s your plan? How will you remind yourself of this? How will you reset when you forget? Who can help?
Idea 8: Practice Gratitude
What you focus on, grows. As the stressed brain has a negativity bias of 9-1, that’s a ton of negativity you’re seeing in your life. A practice of gratitude and appreciation changes that.
— Gratitude Journal:
Write down three things you’re grateful for each day.
— Appreciate the Little Things:
Notice small joys, like a sunny day or a warm cup of tea.
— Don’t feel it, just approve:
Feeling is hard to create all the time. Simply notice the things that you approve of regardless of whether there’s an emotional response or not.
— Say Thanks:
Tell people you appreciate them – and why. It makes you both better.
Idea 9: Help out
Service to others enriches your peace and happiness. People who find regular ways of helping are happier and healthier. Find ways that you enjoy. Coach a team, help your neighbour… see what’s needed and go. It’s an amazing thing to give and see how much you get in return.
Idea 10: Spread peace and love
Just be kinder, smile more, open doors, let someone in, help someone out, be encouraging, and compliment. It’s a fine thing. You feel good, they feel good. It feels good to feel good.
As the great Gandhi once said (and he was no slouch in making a huge impact on the world), “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” He was right. Fear less and love more. Prioritise more peace. Every small choice for peace helps.
Embrace the journey – if you don’t do anything different, if you never went out on a limb, you’ll simply stay the same. Shine bright. Give some of these ideas a shot and see how people react differently to you. Heck, see how you react differently to the world!