Not The Joy Of Sex, No

Recently I wrote a blog about the joy of triggers, Not the Joy of Sex, no.

My parents had that book on their bookshelf when I was a young fella.

I must say I learnt A LOT from that classic 70s manual.

Then one day it just disappeared.

Shame that -

On a few different levels.

Anyway - back on track:

The Joy of Triggers

When you realise your own happiness CAN become a choice,

A choice YOU make despite the circumstances …

So the foundation of a full rich happy life becomes not so much about the WHAT

(ie. the circumstances and the situations)

But the HOW …

(ie. your response to these circumstances)

THEN anything that shows you that you are choosing to suffer becomes of great interest

eg. your reactions, your blindspots, your inner chimp raging -

It is choosing to be aware in challenging situations and not fall back into unconsciousness.

All so you can stop making that particular choice,

And therefore get better results in your life.

Hence: the Joy Of Being Triggered.

(Not masochistic, no, not at all.)

NOW -

It is a big bold step to take full responsibility for your own happiness.

I get that. It’s a bit scary.

It's actually easier to blame something or someone else.

And so I wasn't surprised that when I sent that blog out to my email list, a few people unsubscribed.

And well done them. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.

But I wanted to say if you’re still here reading me, then GREAT.

You may not know how to choose for your own happiness, but you are clearly willing to find out.

Rare indeed is that.

All you have to do now is opt in here and join the club:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane-fb/

OK?

Good. Go well and keep the Peace!

Arjuna

- PS.

If you join, the unsubscribe is always at the bottom of my emails.

I never want to feel like a guest who has stayed too long …

So if you really have got this all sorted, you probably don’t need to hear from me.

No worries at all. I wish you luck. -

I'm Terrified

Scariest thing in my life? Turning into my father.

I’m not even a dad yet and I open my mouth and out comes my dad’s words.

What happened to ME??!

He’s a great man, really a great dad, and as a young fella I idolised him.

Your kids?

Are just the same.

They want to be just like you.

They copy everything you do.

Everything.

Everything you say, every facial expression, every single thing.

Had a friend sit down at his computer and his girl came with her plastic kids laptop and sat down beside him.

She opened the lid up, put her face in her hands, and made a huge sigh / moan -

You know that sound …

When you can’t be arsed, but you must.

When the weight of the world is on top of your shoulders,

And the drudgery of life is killing you.

At three years old she learnt it straight from him:

“This is life, and it’s a drag”.

Woke him up, straight away.

Think about it for a moment -

If you don’t change yourself and you don’t care then that’s fine.

But your kids are going to end up just like you.

They’ll get stressed at the same things you do,

Blow your top just like you do,

Have the same relationship with work and money as you do,

Be addicted to the phone and spend hours on Facebook just like you do,

Treat their partners just like you do.

They may well get to a point -

Perhaps like you (and me) they’ll realise they are going to do things differently,

But the basic foundation is already there, it’s laid so young.

If you want to do it differently?

Become conscious -

Make aware choices.

Don’t do stuff “just because” …

Meditation will give you that insight,

Simply and easily, with time and practice to be sure,

But it’s the quickest way of turning a light on and seeing what you are doing.

You want to make different, better, freer choices?

Let’s give you a programme, simple and powerful - and then give you all the inspiration you need to get it done:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane-fb/ Go well!

And of course - take it easy,

Arjuna -

PS.

In many ways we can’t do things differently from our fathers -

Chances are we still have to bring home the bacon of some sort, with all of the pressure that CAN get picked up with it.

But nonetheless - what I’m talking about is not so much doing different things, but perhaps doing the same things differently.

Do you see?

Trigger Happy?

A while back my meditation teacher told me that experiencing peace or pain in my life was my choice. My choice!?

It kind of annoyed me, actually.

I considered that somethings I had control over, and yet other things I did not.

I believed that suffering was going to happen.

It’s part of life, right?

As they say - shit does happen.

So someone telling me it was my choice whether I experienced suffering or not got my back up a little.

It - in a word - triggered something in me.

Who on earth WANTS to suffer and feel pain?

Now I have (gradually) become a fan of the trigger -

That is when someone annoys you enough to fire up a response within you -

Because it can actually show you where you can grow and become independent of the trigger.

Where you can master your own reactions.

And NOT be like a monkey on a chain.

Pulled every which way by every comment and happening,

Getting insulted,

Reacting, throwing tantrums and holding grudges.

Being overwhelmed by stress and events.

Which is the way so many live, unconsciously.

And that’s where my meditation teacher is right.

Being triggered may not be a conscious choice - but it is a choice, nonetheless.

It’s a choice to turn a painful event into ongoing suffering

By thinking far too much about it.

(do you see the difference?)

Seeing that process ^^^ within myself

Becoming aware of previously unconscious triggers …

Means I can do something about them -

And learn to NOT react.

Now - It’s within you to change those reactions and get free of the trigger, the hook.

With a bit of dedication it can be a constant.

How?

I have a plan for you to recognise these triggers and actually get something from them -

It's simple, powerful, rewarding, easy to do even on your worst day.

If you want to get free of suffering and claim your choice, head this way to get started:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane-fb/

Go well! Arjuna

PS.

Happy is the day when you welcome a trigger, do you not think?

Because you see where you can be MORE free …

Wouldn’t that be an interesting (and fun) place to live from?

As in "bring it ALL on!" ... ?

Indeed!-

-

Get Real

Life isn’t a box of fluffy rainbows all the time. I know that.

I know sometimes life sucks.

So you may not be able to charge ALL the time.

So you may not be able to have a positive mental attitude ALL the time.

You may not like the way life is right now,

But you can allow.

You can accept.

You can stop fighting the fact that you’re not feeling so great right now.

Because the fight and the resistance to how you’re feeling is causing you MOST of the stress.

This statement causes so much grief:

“This shouldn’t be happening to me!”

But it is.

Can you move beyond it?

Great, put your head down and do what you need to do.

Just the minimum - and then put your feet up.

The world will keep turning even if you stop.

If not?

Can you accept the fact that you’re feeling the way you’re feeling?

Can you be okay with the fact you’re not feeling okay?

And not seek to change it?

Not put any more pressure on yourself to be any particular way?

Of course you can … if you wanted.

So WHAT if you can’t be arsed to get out of bed?

Can you allow yourself a day to do nothing?

A mental health day is what we used to call it -

When it started raining meaning it was time to skivvy off work and head away kayaking.

A mental health day it is too when you look after yourself -

Just for a day (or two) -

To get your juice back.

Sometimes life is tough. You feel flat. You feel like the black dog is chewing on your heel and you don’t have the energy to struggle any more.

Give in.

Give up the fight -

Fully accept that this is the way it is (at the moment)

Take the pressure off, give up your to do list and your plans, and just look after yourself.

It won’t last forever.

But your self-judgement and self-induced pressure to be different will make it seem so much heavier.

I know that.

Alright?

Go well - take it easy.

Arjuna

- PS.

Sometimes you can’t change what is happening,

But -

You can change your relationship with what is happening -

And that makes the world of difference.

It is a simple thing, a simple practice.

Let me tell you about it.

Opt in here:

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Always Be Yourself, Unless …

Unless what? You ever seen the Lego Movie?

I saw it at the end of a 24 hour flight back from New Zealand and I thought it was hilarious.

I may have been suffering from exhaustion and subsequently my judgement may be off, but I did laugh my head off.

Hearing my laughter, Sumati was thinking she was missing out.

She must have watched 3 minutes before she switched it off, eyes rolling in that “you’re a doofus” way she has.

Lovingly of course.

So I'm excited - I’ve just seen there is a new Lego film, with the best catchphrase ever:

“Always be yourself … unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman”

Haha - Love it.

Who wouldn’t want to be Batman (minus the grumpiness of course)?

Anyway:

There's so much stuff out there about finding yourself, and being true, it’s all become a bit of a cliche, and commodified out of sight.

You can buy this thing and express your individuality, you know?

It’s all warped a bit.

But, like all these things, there’s a kernel of truth there.

So many people hide behind a mask, they try to live up to their idea of what other people want.

I used to do the same.

Exhausting, right? Trying to be liked, trying to be cool, trying to say the right things.

Oh man.

The greatest gift Ascension meditation has given me is the ability to be authentic.

It’s a case now of “Here I am, and I’m perfectly content with that sense of me, this is what I like, this is what I say, this is what I do.”

So much stress, so tiring trying to live up to an idea.

So much ease and calm from just being okay with who and what you are.

So much honesty too. So much more direct communication with people.

If you find you’re trying a bit hard (and you’ll know it) - what’s the solution?

Be absolutely present.

It's the solution to everything.

You have to think to hold up a mask; to be you is effortless.

Keep detaching from thinking about how you “should” be, that habit will crumble, and life will get much easier, and fun.

It takes effort to hold such a habit in place. It takes nothing to let go.

Alright?

Meditate.

You need to meditate. It is the solution to making all your problems simpler.

How? Opt in here and I'll give you the how:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane-fb/

Everything comes from being okay in your own skin.

Acceptance is the best foundation for any transformation too.

Awesome.

Keep it easy, ok?

Arjuna

PS.

Batman takes himself a little seriously but I’m sure if he hangs out with the new Wonder Woman a bit, he’ll loosen up - don’t you think?

-

Knickers All In A Knot?

You ever thrown a tantrum? Spat the dummy?

Sulked a bit?

I don’t think you have - not really.

Not properly.

There’s this guy in Japan -

And he hasn’t talked to his wife for 20 years.

They’re still married and live together, they have kids …

A whole life, and yet he’s been giving her the silent treatment for all that time.

Why?

20 years ago he got jealous about the attention his wife gave his kids when they were born.

She, obviously, was busy and involved with babies and so what does he do?

Sulks. For 20 whole years.

Long past the time when the kids are grown up, he keeps on sulking.

Why she put up with him for that long I don’t know -

But it serves a point.

How childish are we?

Really - how often to we lose it because things don’t go our way?

Instead of opening up and communicating and/or seeing how we could do things differently?

Shut down, or lash out.

Or shut down and lash out.

Or lash out and sit down.

(Something like that)

There are certain programmes that you have in your head that stop you from having an easy, super rewarding life.

You may not hold a grudge for two decades,

(actually, maybe you do … ?)

But there are certain (often unconscious) ways and habits and patterns you fall back into that don’t help your life.

They don’t help your relationship be strong and super loving and exciting, for example.

They mean you do things and say things you regret.

They mean you don't put the attention into the relationship it deserves - so they wander off,

Or -

You start to look around and see who else is out there … and you wander.

Now -

There’s no reason why you can’t have an incredible relationship with the person you are with right now.

But you have to work on yourself.

^^^

It’s a bit of cliche, but maybe its a cliche because it’s true?

The only person you can change is you.

In relationships we’re constantly waiting for the other person to change.

Like our 20 year sulker, he was waiting for her to approach him. To apologise for “ignoring” him.

But when you learn to stop blinding reacting and make aware choices,

When you take responsibility for the results of your life,

When you start doing some small things to make yourself better -

In all your roles (husband / partner / father / friend / team mate / worker / boss / gimp (?) …)

Things really start to happen,

Because you’re not waiting for the world to change.

And you can do this - just because it’s all just a habit.

Whatever programme just has a bit of momentum that’s all.

It’ll take boldness to step into some new territory -

But you can do that.

You’re here reading this because you want to, and it’s important to you.

Expect needing to be a bit bold and do it.

Don’t wait 20 years.

As you may well know I love the Ishayas’ Ascension meditation because it has given me, and continues to give me -

The foundation of greater awareness, of choice, of calm, of clarity, of focus -

So I can create new habits and mental programmes that serve my life, not hinder it,

All simply and easily and fast.

If you’re interested, opt in here and I'll give you free things to get cracking straight away:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane/

Go well!

Arjuna

PS.

The man in our story?

His kids set up a meeting with his wife in the park where they first met.

He opened his mouth and apologised to her.

That must have taken something after 20 years huh?

Good on him.

Actually, good on her for being so patient.

I like a happy ending to a story.

What's your happy ending going to be like? -

The Nightmare That Is Gift Giving

Gift giving - what a nightmare. If you’re like me, you’re a bit useless at giving gifts.

There’s the fact that you have no idea what they would want.

Or the ideas that you subtly suggest upon passing shop windows - say a dress for your wife - get greeted with scorn and derision by said wife.

Oops.

And the wife wants a surprise and so won’t suggest anything.

Surprised she will be when she gets that shiny new kayak, won’t she?

Then there’s the fact that you’re slightly competitive when it comes to giving.

It has to be THE best gift for that person.

So anything less is a complete failure.

Throw in some social anxiety in the form of giving to people in more wider circles, like the wife’s cousins who’ll be around for dinner.

What if I didn’t buy something for them and they bought something for me? What if I did buy something and they didn’t?

Round and round in circles it goes.

No wonder Christmas was hell.

If you're like this all I can say is watch your own head. Don’t obsess about it and try to enjoy it - and actually give something.

Like anything - the more practice you have in giving, the better you get at it.

Not giving doesn’t work.

There was a phase where my present panic meant I didn’t give any gifts.

I tried to justify it as as a protest against rampant Christmas consumerism, but really it was just being useless.

A certain girlfriend back in the day had serious words with me - and I’m grateful for it.

Not giving really bolstered my propensity to mess up relationships.

I think generosity is such a valuable personality trait to cultivate.

It doesn’t have to be money - I know Christmas IS a pricey time of year.

What I mean is generosity of the heart.

No matter what time of year, the kind of attitude that speaks “how can I help you?”

Based in that, the greatest gift you can give is your own presence.

Your full and undivided attention.

You know it when someone is really WITH you.

It’s nice, you feel valued or something - and yet it’s increasingly rare.

In this time of mobile tech I see so many people together, but worlds apart.

Sitting at the same kitchen table but universes away.

If you want more from your relationships with your partner and kids and family -

BE with them.

Don’t be on Facebook, don’t be over thinking about presents and the turkey (you turkey) …

Show up.

Many things are important, like the turkey and the kayaking trip on Boxing Day -

But relationships with your partner and family are essential.

They are worth spending your presence on, simply because if you do your life gets easier, happier, calmer, more fun.

When you hit tough times you can sail through, that much easier and smoother.

Alright?

Have a great day and talk more later,

Arjuna

PS.

If you’re interested in a training programme of sorts that means you can effortlessly more present, be more generous and less selfish, stress and worry less and laugh way more, then you’re in luck.

Opt in here: https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane/

-

Want Less Stress? Just Get A Little Human

OK, so I’ve been hanging out with some kids this weekend. All in preparation for the arrival of my one.

Got one ordered.

It’s being manufactured as we speak.

Delivery should be late February.

Comes complete with adjustable volume, power down / sleep button, self clean function and full instruction manual.

Can’t wait.

Being dad will be simple with a model like that.

But these kids that are here this weekend?

Earlier models I think.

Don’t have any of the mod cons we’re getting.

They can’t even follow simple instructions.

Hard work, I tell you.

But do you know what?

They’re still pretty funny.

And they’re teaching me a lot about plans.

I have a plan …

... They do something different.

Like, the complete opposite.

I say - “don’t pick up the sheep poo”, they bend down and get two fists full of the stuff.

There’s a line somewhere between being super flexible and yet moulding them to my image, in a godly like fashion.

And all the while keeping my cool, cos losing it doesn't help, does it?

So I have a lot to learn, and they are teaching me a huge amount. Perfect!

But have you noticed that about plans?

That you only get stressed when reality doesn’t match your plan?

If you hold tight to your plan resistance happens.

“This should NOT be happening”.

The fact is it IS happening - and if you hold tight you’re in denial.

Resistance leads to denial which leads to stress.

Until you drop your plan to go with what IS happening.

Acceptance means you can adapt to the circumstances.

You can choose to accept, and therefore stress can be a choice.

A choice for sure that takes practice, but a choice nonetheless.

You start to realise your own peace and levels of calm becomes not about the situation but your reaction to it.

You can control your reaction, especially with practice …

… therefore you can learn to control stress, and anxiety, and panic, and worry.

I know I’ve written about this before but it just became so obvious with two under fives.

The power of your own choice.

Makes all of life so much better when you take responsibility for it.

Now, I’d better run after them because it’s all gone a little quiet.

Keep the Peace! Arjuna PS.

I did promise to look after them.

But who in their right minds gives kids to a complete beginner?

Err, hang on … mother nature does, doesn’t she?

PPS.

Interested in how you can be more accepting and less stressed about stuff you have no control over?

Ascension meditation makes it all so incredibly simple.

If you're interested in finding out more about this incredible world of meditation, mindfulness and mindset ...

... and how it works to change your life for the better,

opt in here and get regular emails just like this one, all to keep you inspired and keep you on the easy, fun path:

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-

Busy? This Is The Time Of The Year For It

Busy? Three business projects to finish before it gets really busy and you head on holiday?

Social occasions coming out of your ears?

Like, you have to cancel not one but TWO social engagements because of another? (that never happens to me, except this weekend - ha!)

Building a house and you’ve just realised the lino isn’t quite right so you have to reorder, and soon?

Painting a room in another house too because, you know, why not throw something else in the mix?

It’s raining and you’d love to skip down to the river for a cheeky wee paddle before it gets dark?

Gifts to buy and you have zero idea what to get that significant person?

There’s no food in the fridge so better stock up soon before you start eating the curtains?

Oh - and there’s coffee to drink, because no one’s going to drink it for you?

So many demands.

I know.

I get it.

I see it.

I have it.

Here’s the thing I know.

Busyness is an undeniable fact of life sometimes.

It is good to be productive, and sometimes everything needs to be done yesterday.

But here is the thing.

You can only do one thing at a time.

Overwhelm and stress only happens when you try and do more than one thing at once.

Carry too much …

Even just in your head …

And you’ll end up spinning around in small circles doing sweet nothings except feeling that tightness in the pit of your stomach crank up.

Oh - and clarity?

Out the window it goes.

No perspective, no efficiency, no nothing.

Just confusion and struggle.

SO:

Get yourself a plan, focus your attention on the next thing.

Ignore the clamouring for attention of all the other things in your head.

One thing.

This thing, then that thing.

Focus is one of the essentials of life.

It’s a foundation upon which every pillar of your life can stand strong.

It’s a skill that you can practice, you can get better at it.

Alright?

There’s no need for overwhelm. If you do get it, you know what’s happened. Take a step back, take a breath, get really present and go again.

OK?

Go well! -Arjuna

PS.

If you take time out to do your Ascension meditation?

It’ll actually give you MORE time in your day.

True. I swear.

If you wanna know more about meditation, mindfulness, mindset ...

And how it transforms your life,

And get regular emails like these ones, go here:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sane/

-

When You Want Bond And Get Powers

I’m in Exeter of all places, for a wedding. Black tie.

Will be my first time in a tuxedo. How about that?

Tells you what social circles I move in.

All fleece and merino and neoprene.

But I’m sure I’ll scrub up well.

I’m thinking James Bond, but in all likelihood I’ll probably be more Austin Powers.

Oh well … you do your best and then give up and enjoy it, as it is - right?

Yeah, actually I don’t see a lot of that in evidence.

So often life doesn’t go according to plan.

Or you agree to do something and then it doesn’t work out how you thought it would.

Or you have an idea about what "should" happen, and it goes the opposite way.

It causes so much strife when our schemes and ideas don’t work out.

When this happens, what are your options?

Well, let me tell you something that has been so useful to me.

The very, very wise personage of Eckhart Tolle once pointed out that in any situation you don’t like you have three possible options.

1. Change the situation.

If you can’t change it - or you don’t want to - you can:

2. Leave the situation.

If you can’t leave the situation - or (again) don’t want to - you must:

3. Accept the situation fully and completely.

But so often humanity goes for option 4:

4. Resist, complain, whine, blame

Which just tends to keep the situation as it is, stuck.

It sucks your power,

You lose all joy,

You get frustrated and stressed.

Life shrinks.

So anytime you find yourself stuck, look at what option you’ve got behind.

Sometimes you have no choice but to accept and get on with what you’re given.

You don’t have to like it, but you do have to accept it.

Your levels of stress and struggle and anger will remain low.

And you can see your options clearly, which is always a bonus.

Clarity and coolness under pressure is what everyone wants.

Alright?

Acceptance is the only sane option. Get busy with that.

You can do it.

Take it easy, and keep the Peace! - Arjuna

PS.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you give up or stop caring.

It just means you realise in this moment it is your ONLY option.

One of the things meditation is, it is a practice of acceptance.

The Ishayas’ Ascension will bring you to a place of clarity, calm and acceptance so quick, like super rapid.

You just have to practice it. That’s all.

Interested in learning how you can become a master of acceptance so you can kill your stress and have more joy and effectiveness than you ever thought possible?

I have some one on one spaces open:

https://arjunaishaya.wufoo.com/forms/arjuna-ishaya-oneone-meditation-coaching-enquiry/ -

The Power Of No

Someone once said that if you want something done, give it to someone busy. Why dat?

One of the little known reasons is that many busy people can’t say no.

So if you are such a person -

I know I am, I have immense trouble saying no to people asking me to do things …

(But I have to say I'm getting better because I realise this)

Learn how to say no.

No is such a great thing.

No, no, no.

No means you can head in the direction you want.

If you want to lose weight you have to say no to donuts.

If you want more quality time with your lady you have to say no to constant TV or facebook.

If you want more time in the outdoors, you have to say no to the indoors.

If you want to get a calm, focussed and clear mind you have to say no so you have time to sit down to do your Ascension meditation.

No is the answer to more in your life, always.

Useful boundaries it’s called.

Boundaries bring freedom.

Carefully and judiciously applied, “no” means you can have more time.

It means you can be more effective and have more freedom, more life, more fun, more loving, more space in your head.

Go ahead, it’s not too hard once you realise what you really want from life.

Get on it, and keep the Peace!

Arjuna

PS.

One of the things I regretted most about learning the Ishayas’ Ascension meditation was not learning it sooner.

It amped up my meditation practice immediately - making it simpler, more powerful, more enjoyable.

Evening course starting next week we are.

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/ascensionmeditation/

-

Grown Man Throws Tantrum

“What do you think about this one?” It’s a tricky question after 3 hours of wandering around stores mean you feel more like the living dead than a human.

You know it - one bathroom tile shop is kind of interesting.

4 shops, not so.

And it’s raining so hard outside you know you’re missing out on some quality kayaking.

And your feet hurt, and you’re hungry, and a coffee would be nice too …

Well, it all adds up to a potential for relationship strain, a bit of stroppiness and frustration and boredom doesn’t it?

It could even mean an grown man reverts to teenage style grumpy grunts, or worse -

The grown man could throw a tantrum.

It’s happened before, I’m not proud of it, not at all.

But it did happen.

The good thing to report is that I’m still married.

The relationship is still on a solid foundation because I have a secret weapon.

So do you, if you know it exists - and how to use it.

The fact is that:

You are in control of your own boredom and frustration.

You are in control of whether you are thinking about doing that thing that you want to be doing …

Or you quit that and get really present,

In the same place as your body,

Focussed on the task so it’s as straightforward and painless as possible.

Communicating like an adult, not a sullen teenager.

And then shopping for bathroom tiles means there are minimal casualties.

And you remember you actually do have a sense of humour and so it becomes kinda fun.

Because you are in control of what you put your attention on.

You are in control of what you let annoy you.

Having a tantrum is for babies.

Yet that’s what I see so many adults doing, in their own way:

Throwing their toys out of the cot.

The Christmas season will mean the malls will be full of sullenness and drama as things get cranked up.

It’s not really necessary at all, is it?

It’s definitely not a good look (trust me).

We all have to do some things that we’d rather not do.

But when you’re full on with them these things then they become easy, and actually kinda enjoyable.

So remember your secret weapon - don’t give away your sense of fun.

Don’t be bored and frustrated.

Definitely don’t slip into being a big baby.

Awesome - have a great weekend, ok? Arjuna

PS.

You may well be interested in my meditation and mindset evening course that is coming super soon.

One of things we’ll be going over is some real, practical tools to not lose your sense of humour or your sense of joy.

To stay away from the dreaded boredom.

In fact I believe if you use these techniques life will never be boring again.

Here’s where you go for more details,

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/ascensionmeditation/ or email me with questions. -

When Bowel Demons Attack!

I’m a bit feeling sorry for myself - I’ve got a dodgy belly thing going on and it’s not the nicest. Not from food, from kayaking in bad water.

It’s the artificial whitewater site that does it to me, and I’ve just realised.

Which is a shame because even though it rains a lot up here - sometimes the most consistent water is that which is pumped around and around that little concrete river.

And the water goes around and around and around.

Which you can imagine means it has the potential to pick up some nasty bugs that seem to love me very much right now.

Fresh is indeed best.

Anyhoo - this is what I’ve learnt:

Being embattled with demons in my belly and bowel means I’ve realised once again what makes the difference between handing life’s ups and downs with style or with massive amounts of drama.

Whatever life throws at you, the ability to take nothing seriously helps everything a thousand fold.

I could easily have gotten into the poor me’s at 3am this morning as my body seemed intent on turning itself inside out -

But then I realised how intensely I was getting into my own suffering.

Taking a step back was a good thing.

Didn’t change the facts, just made them lighter.

I learnt this from my meditation teacher, who was a former Marine in the Vietnam War -

He told me once that he knew if he got out of Vietnam alive he would never ever take anything seriously again.

This sense of perspective was probably one of the things that saved him from being overwhelmed by the intensity of flashbacks and what not …

Just the knowing that they would pass, and he was still alive.

That no matter what life threw at him, he was alive.

He takes every opportunity to laugh, to smile, to remember how good he - and all of us - have it.

It’s good to be around.

It's good to remember, because even though everything isn't 100% with me, it makes such a difference.

So no matter what, remember what you have.

Take care, Arjuna

PS - I’m still going to make it to the CHOICE movie tonight.

See you there?

6pm Darlington Odeon.

For tickets, and trailer:

https://tickets.demand.film/event/1214

Or just turn up, I'm sure there will be a free ticket there

-

The End of Days?

I see there’s a bit of consternation about as the US elections come to a close. Just like Brexit, there are more than a few people wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And an equal number of people high fiving and doing victory dances.

I’m not here to talk politics though.

But if you’re all caught up in a Brexit and Trump future -

or actually, caught up in ANYTHING - 

I just want to suggest that you may have a choice in the middle of it all.

As Tyler Durden once said,

“This is your life, and it’s ending one moment at a time”.

The question for me has always been:

How do you want to fill YOUR moments?

With panic, anxiety, worry, fear?

With righteousness and anger?

See, I’ve found none of those help anything, least of all my peace of mind and my clarity.

Ideas in my own head cause more suffering than any physical injury, than any cancer, than anything.

First off they rarely come true.

And even if they do come true, the thinking about something is way worse than the actual event.

Waste mental and emotional energy on an idea, or on a future that hasn’t arrived?

Not for me. Time IS ticking.

It’s not a case of sticking your head in the sand and ignoring reality.

But when you detach from fear and frustration, when you learn to be calm, focussed and present you can meet the need of this moment,

You can see what is real, and what is a possibility.

Ask yourself - what do you have?

For real?

What is real right now, what is right in front of you, what is within you beyond your thoughts and emotions, right now?

What do you really have?

Make yourself secure in that,

And then every word and action you carry out will be so much more effective (and enjoyable).

Because you are working with what is, and not left behind still wishing for “what should be” or fearing "what might be".

You always have a choice.

No matter what.

Your life may well be ending one moment at a time, but make different choices and it can be like life is beginning one moment at a time.

Keep the Peace! Arjuna

PS. You do always have a choice.

Come and meet me at the premier of CHOICE in Darlington, Monday 14 November 6pm.

See a trailer (scroll down) and get your tickets here:

https://tickets.demand.film/event/1214 -

Motivation - Just Do It?

Motivation is a funny old thing. Nike once said “Just Do It”.

And that is basically all there is to motivation, right?

Just get down and do it.

Yet it never happens that simply.

I can say this with confidence because even though I consider myself rather motivated in some areas of my life, it doesn’t extend to all of them.

You see - I have a looming issue that my lack of motivation is, given the nature of time, causing to loom larger.

We’re shifting house early next year and it would behove me to get organised early so it’s not a last minute scramble to get out.

“Organised early” would mean practical steps to sort through my “stuff”.

(Stuff? Code for junk and other such items that “may come in handy” that gets built up over the years of living in one place. You know it.)

I can’t just light a match to the contents of the spare room, unfortunately.

I would like to, but it may just damage the house.

But I’m feeling kinda smug because Sumati - my lovely wife - is much much worse.

And I’m no where near as bad as my father, who is a hoarder of extreme proportions.

So in the light of these two people I feel justified in doing nothing.

Even though it’ll bite me soon.

First lesson about motivation I’ve learned:

You can’t use someone else as a measure for why you don’t need to.

Don’t compare - my own bad habits are my own and not relative to anyone else.

Second lesson:

I am like all humans.

We, faced with a motivational challenge will wait until the pain of doing nothing exceeds the pain of change.

Motivation is based on moving towards pleasure, but probably more often - to avoid pain.

You see -

When I became self-employed my motivation was to give more to the world and support myself and my family at the same time.

Approaching pleasure.

But if I’m honest one of the biggest motivators was to never go back to a monotonous no future office job.

Even bigger than that was the voice of one of my co-workers as we went out for last day drinks.

For a while there - maybe a year after I left - I could still recall his voice.

He said, loud enough to hear as I waved goodnight to head home:

“He’ll be back”.

I have to be honest - that was the biggest motivator of all of them.

To make sure I never went back.

To avoid proving him right.

That more than anything motivated me in the beginning - to avoid having to get my old job back and see his face and him be right.

Interesting huh?

So in terms of motivation my advice is to work out what you really want from doing something.

The first answers will be pleasure oriented - because you want more of something.

But if you dig deeper you may find the most powerful reasons to keep in mind is avoiding the pain of something that is happening now or that might happen in a possible future.

Some I heard this weekend at the Ishayas’ Ascension meditation course we did?

To make sure you do all that you can to avoid the dementia that runs in the family.

To stop being paralysed by panic and anxiety attacks.

To make sure you don’t get to the end of your life and wonder what was the point.

To find away to move on from the ongoing suffering after a difficult breakup, and to prevent future suffering happening.

That’s some serious motivation to do the simple practice that they learnt right there.

How about it?

Take it easy Arjuna

PS -

CHOICE the movie is going ahead!

Nice one - if you’ve already got a ticket thanks for helping out.

If you haven’t and you want a ticket for what could be the only big screen showing in the North East, head here:

https://tickets.demand.film/event/1214

I can’t recommend anything more strongly for motivation to live a better, fuller life, and avoid the suffering of staying the same:

https://tickets.demand.film/event/1214 -

The Biggest Waste Of Energy

Your biggest waste of time and energy? Wanting to be right.

Like a vampire it sucks the life out of you.

Getting into petty arguments about stuff.

Insisting that you “know” best.

Insisting that the other is wrong.

And do you know what?

Maybe you do know best.

Maybe you are right.

But hows it feel to hit your head against a brick wall?

Similar feeling really when you insist on being right.

Trying to bludgeon the other into seeing it your way.

And no one wins.

The bottom line is that you’d rather be right than happy.

You give up your peace of mind and happiness for a scrap.

Maybe the scrap is “worth it”.

Maybe it’s a noble fight.

But don’t put your happiness over wanting to win, ever.

Because you’ll die first.

Happiness can be so simple to achieve.

It can be a simple choice.

It can become your natural way of being.

To get that?

You do have to see where you are making anything else a priority.

You do have to see where you are choosing to leave a state of calm and clarity for an opinion.

To get riled up, and righteous.

So much easier to shrug your shoulders and go “oh well” and keep going with what you know.

Learning to detach from other people’s opinions is the way forward.

Because then no one can make you feel anything.

Wouldn’t that be nice? ^^^

Free yourself from the rollercoaster of reaction and complication.

Make the choice to be happy, not right.

It’s a habit you can cultivate - one that will transform your life.

What you think and feel - regardless of your life situation and circumstances - can be a choice.

If you want to know more, check out this documentary on the power of choice and how it’s transforming lives in people around the world -

From formerly murderous gang members, to creatives like ballet dancers and writers, to stressed entrepreneurs, to a terminally ill cancer patient.

If they can find independence and choice from the stickiness of their lives, so can you.

We’re looking to get enough tickets sold so we can get a “on demand” screening in Darlington.

Have a look at the trailer by scrolling down at the link below:

https://tickets.demand.film/event/1214

Deadline for ticket reservations is Sunday 6 Nov at 7pm.

Have a happy day!

Arjuna

-

PS - Next weekend's Ishayas’ Ascension meditation course (4-6 Nov) is getting full.

The quickest and simplest way of getting freedom of choice, right here.

I’m sure we could squeeze in another person or two, so if you’d like to come along, click this link here:

http://www.thebrightpath.com/courses/first-sphere-richmond-mini-retreat-option-also-available-richmond-north-yorkshire-2016-11-04

Or send me an email and ask what it’s all about.

-

Dealing With Pressure, “Choking”, Overwhelm, Anxiety, Being Sick To Your Stomach With Nerves

Everyone in any physical activity where the outcome - the result - is important to you knows the anxiety that comes with performance before a big event. It may be competitive - before a match or a race.

It may be in the outdoors - like running a big rapid or climbing a rock face where there is real physical consequence.

I had a friend who would be sick before every big water polo match he played.

Can’t have been good - even just from a nutrition / energy point of view.

You can do the same thing in practice a million times, but the pressure of the event changes everything.

I don't need to tell you that controlling anxiety is essential for any performance.

And it’s the same process if it’s a presentation at work.

Or dealing with the memories of a past event - flashbacks - that keep coming back to you, accompanied by feelings like guilt or regret.

The way to get anxiety under control is ultimately to be completely and utterly present.

To not go into the future (or past for that matter).

To not engage the “what ifs” and the “what happened before’s”.

To be as physically present as possible.

Inhabit your senses as much as you can - engage your environment as it is in order to disengage the thinking mind.

Deep breathing is a huge help - because when you get anxious your breath gets shallower and shallower and your heart rate goes up and up.

Certain yogic breathing techniques reverse those physical responses - especially when you catch them early - AND give you something to shift your attention to.

It’s ultimately distracting yourself from thinking and then feeling the overwhelm.

The feelings all come from the thoughts about it.

The BIG secret though is to practice when the going is easy.

Master shifting your attention and being super present in daily life -

- and it will be a thousand times easier when the pressure is on.

But it’s the one thing so many athletes don’t do.

If you never practice focus and attention when you’re mooching around the house, how can you expect to switch it on when you need to?

Exactly!

A practical meditation practice will give you that ability.

Think of it as a kind of fitness.

When you signed up to this email list I gave you a link to one such super simple meditation practice.

How is that going?

Here’s the link again.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8u7j6o6kfhc53jw/Quick%20Start%20Guide%20to%20Meditation%20For%20Athletes.pdf?dl=0

If you want more -

I’d like to talk you through some meditation and some yogic breathing skills -

As well as the right attitude and ways of thinking to maximise coping with anxiety and stress.

So you can get rid of as many barriers and interferences to great results and enjoyment as possible.

And so I’m putting on a seminar to do just that.

Want a seat?

It’s on Next Wednesday 26th October, in Darlington. 7.30-9pm

Go here:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/mindmastery

Otherwise practice well!

Let me know if you need any help with that.

Arjuna

PS.

You can’t go wrong - practice a few simple things, and every aspect of your life benefits, not just your ability to deal with anxiety.

Here you go:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/mindmastery

Why So Serious? (Don’t Ruin It For Yourself)

An interesting and informative point I saw from a kayak course I did the other week. Although I was drained from having spent what felt the whole night on the toilet (stomach bug you see) and not able to eat anything, I was having a ball.

After all - even though I’m not as sharp and full of beans as usual (literally - hur hur) …

———-> I’m on the river (wahey!) <———

or more aptly -

———-> I’m NOT in an office or mowing the lawns (yay!) <————

Yet one of my fellow guinea pigs was having a rough day.

No joy at all - it looked like he was getting more and more frustrated with his abilities as the day went on.

Didn’t matter what I said to encourage, to try and point out what he was doing good, you know?

I used to be exactly the same.

Hyper-critical to the point of ruining my own day.

This is what I learnt:

The deal is sometimes you’re totally on the ball, in the Zone, firing from the sweet spot.

And sometimes it’s just not your moment.

That there is a fact of life.

You need to make your own enjoyment your foundation.

Because everything you do comes easier from that.

You’re looser, less tense, more focused on what goes right as opposed to what went wrong.

And you're having more fun!!!

Which is the point.

You know?

Sometimes you need to adjust your definition of success for the day.

Sometimes its not going to be what you hoped for.

You see we humans take stuff far too seriously.

And it seems like the older we get the more seriously we take it - even our leisure.

Everyone wants to get better - (and to be seen doing well) -

BUT the only way to really get better fast is to make sure you’re having a ton of fun.

Keep your eye on the prize!

Protect your peace and joy.

That there is the only thing no one can take away from you.

It’s yours, your choice, your inner response, yours and yours alone to make and have.

If you want to know how your mind sabotages your own enjoyment and skills and fast progression and what to do about it?

See you in the PS.

Otherwise have a great Sunday!

Keep the peace!

Arjuna -

PS.

A live seminar on the mind and sports performance, 

with me, in Darlington.

Wednesday 26 October 7.30-9pm.

(Actually I should call it LIFE performance because it's all the same. But I didn’t. But you can if you want?)

I did call it:

"5 things you need to know to stop your mind being your worst enemy”

Stop your own mind sabotaging your skills and abilities, your learning curve, your enjoyment.

Here's the link to get a seat:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/mindmastery

I’m going to talk about what the problem is - so you’re aware of what’s happening -

And what to do about it - so you have a solution.

Problem awareness and solution given.

All you need to do after that is execute (with a smile).

Wednesday 26 October 7.30-9pm.

If you preregister, you get it for £3 rather than £5.

Again, here's the link if you'd like a seat.

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/mindmastery

All proceeds go to the Felix Fund - the bomb disposal charity.

A night of fun, useful information and giving to charity too.

You can't go wrong!

-

Going With The Flow

I’m sitting here without coffee, my usual go to blog writing beverage. I contracted some nasty bug which means I haven’t been able to eat for the last 48 hours.

Yesterday I was booked on a kayak course - and not wanting to miss out - I went along, having spent most of the night on the toilet and having no food in me.

Probably not my most “sensible” decision, but we do these things sometimes don’t we?

But even though I was shattered after -

What wonders were had from some good old fashioned coaching!

The biggest thing I learnt, and what I see can be applied to all of life is as follows:

Don’t eat out of date food.

No, actually -

The coach Ken (Hughes - great fella) got me working with the river, not against it.

I was fighting, trying to impose my will on something substantially bigger and stronger than me.

Turns out there’s an easier way.

Letting my kayak and the river do the work is different, it results in getting places with more style, having more energy, less stress and a real sense of flowing with the river.

It doesn’t mean giving up and letting the river push me where it wants me to go -

because that would mean I would be fish food pretty quick -

So I still need to be prepared, and do the work -

But at the right time, at the right place.

It means working with the river - going when the river goes, stopping and resting where the river rests.

And - tenuous link with life coming up ...

That’s what we don’t do.

We fight and we struggle and we push against the current.

So many people try and impose their will and simply get bashed and stressed fighting against the inevitability of something.

Meditation has shown me the uselessness of resisting something I can not possibly change in this moment.

Much easier to work with it.

“OK, what CAN I do in this precise moment in time?”

The thing is so many people don’t trust that life will turn out alright if they loosen the grip on the reins a bit.

The fact is if you stop fighting, you’ll stop getting stressed immediately.

You become more fun to be around, you have more energy. You can see clearer.

And as I found in my kayak, you can use what you have to get the most out of it.

All I can say is give it a try.

It’ll take some practice to recognise when you’re fighting and struggling against something you can't change,

And when to back off and when to go further.

But I think it’s the answer to making life so much smoother.

It gives you that sense of “Flow” too - even if you’re just pootling about your house.

Give it a go, let me know how it goes if you like?

Take it easy!

Arjuna

PS.

If you’d like to join me for a weekend of meditation and mindset tools that will mean you become the boss of your own mind -

Where you can control it, rather than having it control you -

Sign up here for more information on this course and upcoming courses.

And get a free quick start guide to meditation, giving you some solid advice to get going straight away:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sports

PPS.

I do have a seminar/workshop coming on Wednesday 26th October at 7.30pm in Darlington.

But since I’ve been busy being sick and kayaking I haven’t quite got it all together.

Coming soon though!

-

One small thing to make your relationships shine

I know this because I see it every where - and I can get lazy with this too. It’s one small thing you can do to make your personal life so much better.

When you first met your partner / wife / husband / significant other …

You were all over them.

Checking in, saying hello, buying presents, saying nice things, paying attention and compliments …

Am I right?

Now?

It’s easy to take them for granted.

A quick hello and a kiss on the cheek, and you’re somewhere else.

On the same couch but in different worlds.

On your phone, thinking about work, thinking about the weekend …

It’s easy not to be so full on now you’ve got them, now that they’re around all the time.

The thing is - all your relationships are living things.

If you want them to be in a half-way decent state, you have to feed them, you have to put effort into them.

But if you do go the extra mile?

If you do what you did when you were first getting together?

If you really engage and show an interest and give them more attention and appreciation?

You'll have:

- less arguments - more understanding - deeper connection - more and better sex - happier them, happier you - a team, not two individuals

And more.

I think you know what I mean.

Memo to self:

Don’t let up. Keep giving.

The more you invest in your relationship, the more you get out of it.

I”m off to buy some flowers.

Go well!

Arjuna

PS.

As always, if you ever ever need anything at all, just hit reply.

PPS.

Meditation Apps:

Someone was asking about these.

I don’t really recommend many meditation apps because you now have the tools you need.

Apps can mean you can start to rely on something outside of you, and you really don’t want to rely on anything external to you, if that makes sense.

But if you like to have a guide, I’ve heard these two are good:

Stop, Breathe, Think, and Headspace.

The thing is it's so simple to learn how to meditate anywhere anytime - so you don't need a prop.

For more information, and a quick start guide to simple meditation, go here:

https://arjunaishaya.leadpages.co/sports PPPS.

I've got a live seminar coming up on Wednesday 26th October, in Darlington. 7.30pm

It's all about sports performance - well, and life performance, without self-sabotage and stress and struggle.

In other words, making it easy - because life can, and could, and should be easy and fun.

More details coming!

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