The hidden danger of indifference

“The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference” - Steven Pressfield

Indifference is a very subtle beast, yet once fallen into leads a long way down a grey and winding path indeed.

Like a sleepwalker wandering deeper and deeper into the forest, life becomes lost not through deliberate choice but through not paying attention.

Its a truism that you don’t know how good you have it until its gone.

What you have to do today becomes more important than what is here, already. The lack takes our attention instead - what is missing.

This focus, continued for long enough, means life becomes one constant question: “Why?”

“Why is this happening to me?”, “why doesn’t life go the way I want it to?”, “why isn’t this working?”, “why does she have all the good luck?”.

Indifference directly leads to living life with the perspective of a victim, one long grey, whiney, blame and stress filled existence.

The solution lies not in the past or in some future time, but here, is this exact moment.

Pay attention, for what you focus on grows. Be not indifferent, or take things for granted. Base your life in the appreciation and gratitude for what you do have, right now.

Through continued nurturing and choice, the automatic - the natural - response and reaction to life becomes not one of “why?” but one of “wow”.

Richness and blessings lie solely in perspective. And now you know.

You may not be able to control the circumstances of your life, but you can control how you react to it. It’s not about the what, its all about the how.

Don’t allow life to unconsciously slip away.

Give yourself an "A"

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? How would you be if you knew the future was going to turn out perfectly? 

Keep the door of possibility wide open. Go beyond the voice that says you might fail, that something might go wrong, that you are not good enough.

The inner critic can only see limitation, it cannot see potential and possibility. Infinity is far too much for the mind to grasp, and that is why is focusses on the small: on Lack, what you don't have and what might go wrong.

Believe in this and the world gets squashed and grey, and you along with it.

What if you flipped this Lack thought? Do you ever focus on what might go right? That you are more than good enough?

Why not?

Why not embrace an attitude of vision and of possibility? Instead of listening to the "you should" or the "you need to", why not go with the "what if?" and the "how about?"…?

Drop the limitations. They are only imagined, they only have power because you believe them. Instead, give yourself an “A”, in advance - focus on the possibility of the greatness of what could happen.

Assume an attitude that lights up your life, and in doing so lights up the life of all those around you.

Assume an attitude that everything will turn out just fine. Be supremely present in this knowing. How do you live in this knowing?

And why not? Wouldn't this one shift make your life amazing?

Attitude informs everything.

check out Benjamin Zander here in this video for more.

Common spiritual misconceptions #27 - Desires

Once upon a time, I tried living without desires. I’d been reading lots of Buddhist books and it seemed like they talked a lot about desirelessness and how that would make you happy. That’s the trouble with reading things without having someone to ask who actually knows. Having an experienced coach or a teacher makes the path super quick and smooth. There’s no guess work needed on your behalf. There’s no re-inventing the wheel.

But I digress…

So, I tried and I failed. And no wonder - without desire you don’t even get out of bed. You need desire to live, it is what gives your life sparkle. Without desire your life is grey, and a bit pointless.

The only trouble with desire comes when you hold tight to it, when you insist that your happiness depends on a certain desire being fulfilled in a certain way.

Desire is never the deal, its attachment that kicks you.

When you link your happiness with something you will always be disappointed. If you believe you can only be happy on sunny days you are setting yourself up for a lot of time unhappy.

But, if you are happy and content as you are and with what you have, and you enjoy the sun, then sunny days can only make you even happier.

Does that make sense?

Find contentment and gratitude with what you have and who you are. Make that the foundation of every moment. Be in love with your life, exactly as it is. And then go chase what you want to do. Live the life you wish to live. Be and do and have the things you want.

Just discern the difference between living from a foundation of happiness and achieving your desires. Unshackle happiness from desire, and then you can have both. Each and every moment will be a blast, and full, and alive.

Sounds like a good way to live to me.

The end of bad days, right here

Did you know that bad days don't just happen? The only time you have a bad day is when things don't go the way you planned them.  A bad day simply is that reality hasn't met your expectations of what "should" have occurred.

The degree to which it is a bad day, ranging from merely difficult to complete disaster, depends on how much you were fixed on sticking with your plan - ie. how much you resist what is.

Life isn't good or bad, it isn't out to get you sometimes, it just is what it is. Life is constant change. Can you be fluid enough and adapt?

How flexible and fluid you are with what is happening will determine how much freedom you will experience. If you can cultivate an attitude of "how fascinating!" to everything that happens to you, life will become an absolute adventure and never ever "bad".

The end of bad days is all in your attitude. You can step out the door with a plan, but surrender it to an attitude of adventure: "OK! what is going to happen today? Bring it on! I'm ready. And if I'm not ready, I'll just be surprised".

Do this and you'll never have a bad day ever again. I promise you.

Enjoying the process and doing it "better"

Don’t base how committed you are to doing something on momentary success or failure. An attitude of “well, I’ll keep doing it as long as I am good at it” will never result in anything. Everything that you do will have good and bad days - days when everything seems to be swimming along magically and other days when nothing seems to go right.

If you quit because you don’t appear to be “any good” at something in this moment, you will never get better. All learning has phases of seeming “good” and “bad”.

Don’t quit when you hear that voice.

As a baby you weren’t any “good” at walking. Did you quit?

Consider any top athlete - say the tennis player. How many times do you think they practice a particular shot? Millions of times? Probably, right? No matter what, they are out there practicing - in all conditions and in all circumstances.

They’re in it for the long game, they want to master a skill and they know it involves committing to a process.

They’re in it for constant improvement. They’re not in it to be “good”, they’re in it to be “better”.

So - Remove any idea of “doing it good” and “doing it bad” from the equation.

Instead, become interested in “how can I do it better next time?”

Enjoy the process.

A wise man once said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Enjoy each and every one of those steps for what they are.

That way, no matter what, you’ll make the next step and the next, and you’ll reach the top before you know it.

When you frame each and every action in this way, as part of a continually evolving process (= an attitude of constant improvement based in complete contentment of this moment) long term commitment is easy, the path is enjoyable, and greatness is guaranteed.

Makes life, and getting what you want while enjoying it, so much easier.

Have a great day!

How happiness is like exercise

Did you know...? Thinking too much, anxiety, worry, anger, fear, stress, actually negativity in general… all of these things are just habits.

They are something we’ve learned to do in response to things that we don’t like. The more you react in a certain way, the stronger that “way” gets and so the easier it is to respond like that.

It becomes a habit, a reaction.

It’s a bit of a bottomless cycle, a slippery slope.

But the good news is that it is just a habit. You can create another habit.

The even better news is that you don’t need to work out or overly analyse why you get stressed, or anxious, or not respond to life in the way that you want.

A habit is simply a strong pathway in the brain.

Want a new habit? Make another pathway. Do something else that takes you in another direction.

A little known key to life is what you put your attention on, grows.

The more you do it, the more the new habit becomes stronger and more “slippery” for your attention, the old one less so. You become incapable of behaving like you used to, simply because all your attention is on the new way of being.

Happiness is way more attractive to the mind. If you give it a chance it will become your default.

Good news indeed. I believe it was Aristotle who said:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.”

In this way, happiness is a lot like going to the gym  - that’s why I say the source of happiness and all good things in life as occurring when you are mentally fit, and flexible, and fluid.

You don’t need to believe a push up or Zumba class will make you stronger and healthier, you just need to do it - with good form and regularly - and the results are obvious.

Regular practice is everything then.

A fitness regime is essential. If you want a better life, some sort of regular “choice” practice - as in choosing your attitude and choosing to be present - is necessary.

You need to give it enough time to create a new habit, for it to become stronger, and the predominant way of living and being in the world.

But the more you do it, the more your life changes and so the more you keep wanting to do it.

It becomes self-propelling and motivating.

But you need to start. And you need the commitment to follow through.

Grab a buddy and make a pact, set aside a time each day. Just close your eyes. Remind yourself to see everything as being half-full. Be as present in this moment as much as you can.

If you need any assistance in this, let me know. I know some good ways.

Take care, and have a wonderful weekend! In fact, make it a habit.

- Arjuna