The most violent thing you do

I’m not violent you say … and yet: Do you know what one of the most violent things you can actually do is?

Try to be someone that you’re not.

Do you know what one of the greatest realisations that you can ever come to is?

That you are enough, just as you are.

The enemy, if there is such a thing (which I talked a little about on Friday), is the more or less constant and continual judgement, comparison, evaluation of ourselves by ourselves.

It is the constant and continual self-management, self-appraisal and attempting to validate and secure a certain standing in the eyes of the rest of the world.

It is the constant and continual struggle to live up to certain unconscious ideas and expectations and standards, all soaked in from such an early age that they seem like “this is what is natural, this is the rules, this is the way you live life." 

What say you?

How much time do you spend thinking about who you are and what other people think of you? About who you are and how you’re doing in the world?

And then the whole commercial world reflects that back to us: “Buy this and be happy, be fulfilled!”, “Achieve this and find purpose!”, “Have this lifestyle and find your identity!”

What a relief, what a revolution then to realise that there is no “natural” way of living, no “truth” … it’s all just a commonly held belief of what a good life looks like … of what a good person should do and be.

It’s all a belief that, when you see it within yourself, you can take or leave. Go with it, or create your own.

But you have to see it’s the blindly fighting to live up to these expectations that keeps you away from peace and contentment, that keeps you stressed, that keeps you away from realising who you really are beyond your job, your possessions, your hobbies, your thoughts.

It’s the very thing that stops you fully living … because you’re always waiting to become.

You are enough, exactly as you are, warts and all.

What this world needs is people who are 100% ok in their own skin. And this doesn’t mean you give up goals and standards, but you do so with self-awareness, and a lightness of touch.

When you're 100% okay with who you are, you still grow – but not because you need to, but because you wantto. And grow all the more faster you do. (Yoda coming in, sorry.)

Some (some!) of the benefits of being this are contentment, peace, gratitude, honesty, acceptance, allowing, understanding … and being these things means you allow everyone else around to relax, to stop trying to be something they’re not too.

You can start to finally have a dialogue, a connection, true communication with others.

Being okay in your own skin. It’s one of the greatest things you can do for world peace, for the peace of your family.

A bold move though, nonetheless it’s super rewarding: a revolutionary act that takes place within and has resounding influence in the world.

Go well!Arjuna

PS.Practice meditation. I’d say learn the Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension because it’s awesome. But whatever you do, do something.

It is the one thing that rapidly helps you relax in your own skin.

PPS.I have a free guide, it's all the ways I could think of to get less stressed, be more Alive, and make more of an impact on the world.To get a copy, head this way:

https://mailchi.mp/60dbe4ffeccf/freedom-from-thinking-so-much

Two questions for living a life that makes a difference

Who do you respect and admire?Alive or long gone, family or fictitious, neighbour or Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson … (it's okay, guilty secrets are fine with me. Embrace them, celebrate them!)

Who would you love to have as an aunty or uncle, just living around the corner so you could pop by and soak in their wisdom, their presence, as you're together in the kitchen peeling potatoes, drinking tea?

All of these people, everyone you respect and admire, was born with strengths. But all of them, every single one of them, were never born complete. They all had challenges, weaknesses, fears, troubles.

Perhaps that’s what made them the people you admire today – the fact that in many cases life wasn’t easy for them, that they had to work to overcome.

Regardless of the events of anyone’s life, a truth not so universally acknowledged is ... that no one is born finished.

If you’re interested in making a difference in someone else’s life, perhaps on a world scale, perhaps for your family and work mates and neighbours … if you’re interested in being worthy of respect and admiration, I think there are two very useful questions to keep alive in your life.

Two questions to revisit from time to time, to gauge a sense of how “well” you’re living life, are, number one:

“How can I do this better?”

Everyone can do everything better. Being open to seeing how you can be better means you get shown.

However, it takes a huge slice of humility. You’re never as good as your ego thinks you are. The more you know, the more you realise you’re just beginning and how much there is to learn … ha!

The second is:

“How can I enjoy this more?”

Seriousness of any kind is always a great sign you’re attached to a certain outcome, you’re fixed on being right, you’re a little bit stuck, you’re self-absorbed.

You can be involved in the most serious thing in the world, but having a light heart makes all the difference. To you, your ability to cope and to achieve, to everyone around you.

Seriousness is never a great idea.

Two questions then, combined with the ability to be present and live fully in this moment in time, in the same location as your body, means life becomes something wonderful.

It means your life not only becomes satisfying and fulfilling and alive to you, but is a gift to everyone else. A gift.

How wonderful is that?

Go well!Arjuna

PS. There is no finish line.

Isn’t that great? You will never get to “done.” You are not a pot-roast (or a roast potato if you’re vegan).

You are a constant work in progress. If you are willing, there can be a constant discovery of more. If you assume this attitude every single situation and person becomes a chance to see more, to be more.

With this attitude, there are no mistakes, there is no wrong. Then anything is always a case for you of, “OK - what do I want to do with this?”

And that attitude is amazing, inspiring, unstoppable.

PPS.If you're interested in these musings - some would say ramblings - coming directly to your email, here's a link to sign up:

https://mailchi.mp/60dbe4ffeccf/freedom-from-thinking-so-much

Iggy Pop and Anthony Bourdain on contentment vs drive

Wouldn't it be great to be able to choose yourself an honorary uncle or auntie? You'd be able to pop over and hang out and soak in their wisdom and life experience. Get advice, hear stories, ask questions. Learn and laugh, all at the same time.

Two uncles I would have chosen would be Iggy Pop and the recently deceased Anthony Bourdain.

I love these two gentlemen for the lives they have lived, because they seem to have taken life choices less made – and I recently read a great interview with the both of them.

Here it is, if you’re interested: http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/iggy-pop-anthony-bourdain-interview

They’re asking each other about contentment versus drive.

Both are in a place where they no longer need to work for money, and they’re talking about why they keep doing what they’re doing, as opposed to retiring to a sunny locale and “waiting to die.”

Have a read, but contentment vs drive used to be a big personal question for me, and one I now get asked a lot (funny that!)

Contentment and drive are seen to be an either/or thing in our society.

"If I’m content then that means I won’t be able to do the things I want to do, I’ll lose my ‘edge’” …

or …

“If I chase the things I want to do then stress and a lack of contentment will be a necessary by-product …”

But what if … ?

(Again, always the what if!)

But what if both fed each other?

Because they do. Just because everyone lives like they don’t, it doesn’t make it true.

Contentment alone doesn’t make for an enjoyable life. Sure, sitting around on your bottom is great, especially when you’ve been working hard. In fact it makes it all the more enjoyable.

But as a 24/7-365 strategy? Not that exciting.

Drive makes a life exciting. Goals - done the right way - mean you feel alive. People are never happier when they feel like they’re improving and getting somewhere.

However, you need to be totally present and appreciative too with all this – otherwise you get stressed and overwhelmed and pressured and negative and live so far in the future you can’t see anything else. You get discontent when your focus stays on what you don’t have.

In getting anything, you also need to know when to rest, how to switch off the mind.

Furthermore, knowing how to attend to all the aspects of your life, not just one or two, is important – at least to me.

So many people solely focus on work and forget their health and relationships. Or focus on family alone, and not on what makes them alive.

You’ll see it taken to extremes in the (very cool) Netflix doc the Defiant Ones, about Jimmy Iovine and Dr Dre. It’s about these amazing, talented music guys who are genius. It’s not a big part of the documentary, but it’s clear in several bits that they are so focussed on their work they spend a big chunk of their lives tuning everything and everyone else completely out.

Reading Lance Armstrong’s books even before the details of his drugs scandal broke was the same.  It was obvious he would be a nightmare to try and have a relationship with, even just to be around, unless you bought solely into his super-focused and narrow vision of life.

I wonder if that sole dedication, focus and sacrifice is worth it?

Would you pay that price? To be a genius in one sphere of life but have everything else be neglected?

I’m not sure I would. But I’m happy with “good enough,” that idea that balance and good enough everywhere is way better than perfectionism in a small somewhere.

Anyhoo – I’m rambling now. What I’m trying to say is that you can have your cake and eat it too. Drive and contentment, focus and calm, peace and performance can all be yours.

You don’t need to make peace and performance and either/or situation, even if you choose to narrow your focus and be a world champion.

Okay?

Go well! Arjuna

PS. Do you know what Iggy Pop answered when Anthony Bourdain asked him what thrills him, after a life of adventure?

“Being loved and actually appreciating the people that are giving that to me”, replied Iggy. Awesome.

PPS.

I called my six-month programme of helping you transform your relationship with your mind and all aspects of your life “200%” because that’s what it gives you.

100% inner contentment, calm, happiness and focus leads to 100% of the rewards of life.

If you’re interested, drop me a line and I’ll let you know all the details.